Nobody said it was easy
by carefreezoe
Summary: Post5x16-"Please stay." And then she heard his voice break for the second time this evening. "I need you." He paused again, looking out into the skyline. A look of confliction crossed his normally stricken face. "I want you." And with that, he turned and left. Originally a darvey One Shot based on one of Sarah's Instagram posts. #Donnasview
1. Nobody said it was Easy

**"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry..**  
 **You don't know how lovely you are."**

 **"Tell me your secrets,**  
 **And ask me your questions.**  
 **Oh, let's go back to the start."**

 **"Nobody said it was easy...**  
 **No one ever said it would be this hard.**

 **Oh, take me back to the start."**

-the Scientist, Coldplay

He stood for a while following Mike's departure through the gates, pondering. Harvey was too numb to delve into any deep philosophy. The essence of guilt weighed down his body and was still his everbearing thought. It shouldn't be Mike entering Danbury prison. He couldn't allow the kid to fall on the sword. All Harvey could think of is that it should have been him. After all, he was the one who was the qualified lawyer and was well aware of the consequences from the choice he made 5 years ago to hire Mike.

Of course, never in a million years would he have wanted it to end up like this. He was leant back on the car clutching his chest. It hurt also but more with a feeling of sadness and helplessness. What had been done, could not be undone. Mike had made sure of that. Damn the kid and the loyalty that Harvey had drilled into him.

Harvey was in full thought, they were raging through his mind like a wildfire. He was assessing every possible outcome, wondering how many things he could have done differently. Harvey Specter did not lose. It wasn't a word in his vocabulary. He felt the rage now, he was still angry at Mike despite their outburst the other night. The younger mans sheer determination and righteousness is what had put them all in this situation. As much as Harvey admired Mike's ability to take the full brunt, he still couldn't bear that this was all down to him anyway. Mike wasn't fit for prison. He was the better build, the wiser talker. He would never forgive himself if something happened to Mike in there.

He realised he would have to watch as everyone else's lives got hurt and destroyed by his stupid decision. What hurt the most is that there was no way for Harvey Specter to win this war. He couldn't even take all the pain away and bear it himself. Harvey would give up all the wins he had succeeded with in his past in order to have beaten this one. In order for Mike to still be a free man.

He kept thinking about how this could have been avoided. If Mike had kept faith that they could succeed and waited for the jury's verdict, they'd be in the clear. Their futures would be so much different by now, optimistic and bright. Mike would be allowed to practice law indefinitely without fear of being found out. He'd get the success that he so thoroughly deserved. But now, he was locked up, with very little prospect of a bright and optimistic future. And Harvey couldn't bear it.

He'd almost made peace with the kids decision, knew that it was what was supposed to happen. But Mike was gone now and Harvey just felt a deep loneliness in his heart. It all suddenly felt real now that Mike had officially entered the prison. He almost hoped that he would wake up and these last few weeks would all be one of his horrible nightmares that had become all too frequent as off late.

He would never forgive himself for this, never be able to bare the thought of Mike being hit by the bus whilst he stood and observed. His own arrogance and determination had meant that he hadn't taken the deal. There was an easy way for Mike and Rachel to get out of this without any harm and live normal lives and Harvey wished beyond anything that he could go back and take the deal. Give Gibbs what she really wanted: him.

But he had seen the look on Mike's face over the past few weeks. Pure guilt and anguish. He had been defeated before they'd even started. Harvey remembered the moment weeks ago when Mike had first been arrested. It seemed like an eternity ago. Gibbs had kept him under close scrutiny and had done well to rile the usually quite cool kid. Mike had almost lost it in that small interrogation room screaming that he had done this. Harvey knew that he felt he deserved some form of punishment. He was so wrong though. If Mike deserved two years, Harvey deserved 10. And 2 years was a relatively small price to pay.

But it still bugged Harvey that they had got anything at all. Mike's 'crime' was only doing good for society. He was a better lawyer than most and had a true passion and understanding for the job. Harvey was a lawyer for all the wrong reasons. It was his escape from childhood. He didn't always believe in the system. Over the years, he'd watched as innocent people had been punished and guilty people had been let loose. Harvey thought of all those people Mike had helped out over the last 5 years. One of those people had been himself. Mike had changed Harvey for the better and he couldn't bare the thought that now he was serving a jail sentence for that.

The pain was way worse than any of the girls who had left him. Other than her of course. Nothing could destroy him like Donna's betrayal a year ago. He still was struggling to cope with the thought that she would leave him for Louis. But that had all been his own fault. His inability to convey emotions and the feeling of absolute terror that if he had begun to fully embrace his love of Donna, he would surely mess it up and her departure would destroy him. But ironically, this is what had led to her departure and him being destroyed. If anything good came out of this, it was that his and Donna's relationship was better than ever. But just as Harvey was beginning to pick himself back up personally, his whole world had been destroyed again.

It could have been hours that he was stood there, wrestling with his own thoughts. The wind blowing through his hair as he stalled, not wanting to go back and face life. Wanting to wake up in a sweat, and be relieved that this was all a nightmare. But then reality hit hard as Harvey felt his phone buzz. Of course it was her.

'I know what you're up to but we need you back here ASAP. x'

He took one last look at the gates that Mike had entered, wishing beyond anything that he would walk back out with a smug grin on his face. Whether he'd say that it was all a joke or that his brilliant mind had found a way around the deal, Harvey didn't care. He couldn't be Butch without his Sundance. It wouldn't be the same without Mike around. Without his genius ways and caring attitude. But the reality was that Mike was long gone, had probably already been processed and assigned a cell.

Harvey turned and observed Ray's concerned expression. He'd always been the strong person, the one everyone turned to with their problems because they had faith that he would fix them. No matter how bad the situation, he found a way out of anything. But Ray was looking at him now and instead of being in awe of the great and powerful Harvey Specter, he was looking down at him with a pitying expression and suddenly Harvey couldn't bare it. He needed to get his shit together.

So, after one last look back, he took a deep breath of air and composed himself with a determined expression. It was time to find out what was so important and sort everything else out. Then he'd figure out a way of getting Mike back.

He was calm and collected as he watched the trees soaring past the windows on the car journey back home. A more determined mood set had broken through his momentary breakdown at the prison. He wanted to do something, to be productive rather than moping around over something that he couldn't change.

But, as life had come to prove to him lately, he shouldn't come attached to these positive thoughts. Shortly into the drive, he received a phone call from Jessica describing what had happened at the firm. The sky was beginning to darken as they pulled back into the vibrant city, along with his dwindling thoughts. And Harvey was left dumbfounded by what he had been told. How could they all leave? Pearson Specter Litt had had setbacks over the years but nothing quite like this. Of course, he had expected something along these lines. Knew that his guilt was not nearly punishing enough yet. That his world hadn't been destroyed enough yet for him to accept his own punishment.

In a way he relished the thought of a deep challenge. And he made no mistake in thinking that this was a challenge, like none they had ever faced before. But as a family, with Jessica, Louis, Donna, Rachel if she still accepted them and hopefully in some way Mike, they could sort this. Right?

What was mostly affecting him right now was that undeniable feeling in the pit of his stomach, growing like an unstoppable snowball. He hoped that it was just an unsettled feeling from the rather devastating day but his negative mindset latched onto the dread. Who was he kidding? He knew what was coming.

Jessica had explained that her and Louis were going to get more information, to approach other companies like Zane's in order to figure out just how bad the mess was. They had said to meet back at the office. Donna was there holding the fort.

His brain focused on that dread even though he pleaded with it not to. Now was not the time. But still he procrastinated, his thoughts focusing on it, swirling it around till it grew bigger and with every passing moment, his panic also grew. It escalated quicker than anything, beyond describable words. Harvey barely succeeded at getting out of the car and somehow managed to keep his face straight as he told Ray to go home for the night.

The street is busy, with people crowding his already blurring vision. The noise is unbearable, his hearing also a mess. He tries to focus on one sound but instead is filled with the ever growing clatter of crowds of people as he pushes his way into the strangely quiet skyscraper. The panic ensues more with the silence which almost suffocates him.

As he stumbles into an elevator and clicks for the 50th floor, Harvey can feel his heart beating harder and faster as the adrenaline starts coursing through his body. He worries that his heart had come alive with the palpitations about to destroy his body. He loosens his tie and the sweat is already soaking through, escaping his skin in pints. The negative thoughts start playing with his mind, creating visions of him collapsing, crying, out of control on the floor. Not so much hallucinations but strong visions that he can't escape, no matter how much he shakes his head. His skin felt thick and was burning up, like there was a layer of burning cling film all over his body. He had never felt claustrophobic but suddenly the lift felt like it was closing in all around him. There was no escape from this now.

He was pleading with his legs to keep carrying him as he stumbled out of the elevator into the deserted corridors. Never had it been so dark and quiet. He started towards his office but then recoiled as his brain countered this and instead he headed in the direction of the bullpen but why couldn't he go to his office? So he stumbled back over to his office, his brain no longer rational, blinded by the terror. The arguments inside him heated up as half of his thoughts fought with each other. He can feel his brain begin to shut down other parts of his body, and it's the queasy feeling in his stomach that ultimately causes him to head towards the bathrooms.

He feels an overwhelming hope that the ground will swallow him up. Not that it will kill him but almost as if Harvey had never existed in the first place. His Mum and late Father could still be together. Marcus wouldn't hate him for his decision to break up the family. Clifford Danner wouldn't have lost so many years of his too short life. Donna would be able to be free and happy. Mike. Mike wouldn't be imprisoned right now. His own sorry state wouldn't be a burden to anyone else.

The arguments in his head are so fast and disturbing now that his brain starts to shut down other parts of the body. His breathing is so fast and the hyperventilation begins as he struggles to make it to the stools in time. He crashes into one of the cubicles as his legs finally give way and he has to crawl the last metre to the toilet. As soon as he reaches the stool, and empties the contents of his stomach, his temperature begins to cool but his heart is still pounding.

He flinches as someone touches his arm and can vaguely hear her speak but hides behind his hands, trying to stop her from seeing the mess he is in. The shame is replaced by relief at the thought that he is no longer alone. That he can begin to relax. She places a cloth on his face and there is overwhelming relief from the cooling sensation, his skin beginning to unwind from the tight posture. And he relaxes in her embrace, finding comfort in the sweet and refreshing smell of her perfume. Burrowing his face in her shoulder, Harvey relaxes in the darkness, relishing in the feeling of his heart beginning to slow, in his ability to take back control of his own body.

He feels the water around his eyelids and is ashamed by his weakness. His irrational thoughts had been too overwhelming and his futile efforts to fight it had only led to him feeling more exhausted.

They stand there, reunited in each other's comfort, like a shield she protects him from the evil outside world. She goes to remove herself but he clings to her, allowing himself this one moment of weakness. Knowing that she would never judge him. They'd been through everything together, a rollercoaster of emotions over the past 12 years. And suddenly he realised how blind he had been, how stupid he was to not have allowed her to break his walls down sooner.

They finally disconnected and Harvey took off his jacket and sprayed some water over his face. She guided him back through the corridors and he looked round in disbelief, wondering how all these people could give up so easily. And then, they are in his office, the place that has become more of a home to him than his own condo. He remembers all the sleepless night spent here working away into the darkness and this is eventually what calms and comforts him.

Donna deposits him on the sofa and pours a glass of water which he downs in one, cleansing all the panic from his inside. He sits there for a moment steadying his breathing and points towards the scotch, in need of something stronger. She raises her eyebrows, always the more sensible one but they have no energy left for arguments so eventually she sits beside him. Two glasses are in her hand, both with a generous amount and she hands one to him, a concerned look still covering her face.

They sit there in silence for a moment, but it was a comfortable silence, both no longer thinking but just sitting there, taking the occasional gulp of drink. They hadn't had much time over the past few weeks to have this relaxing moment of peace. It had all been too hectic.

"Thank you." Harvey broke the silence, his voice still gruff with emotion and dehydration. He was sat with his tie lose, his suit jacket still somewhere back in the bathroom and with one foot up on the other knee. His hand was tightly gripped around the drink as if he was trying to grip hold of something to keep himself above the surface. Donna noticed that his relaxed formation was not relative of his body which was still tense and agitated. He had the shirt sleeves pulled up to the elbows and she observed as his muscles twitched. She'd never seen Harvey so worked up.

He still hadn't met her eyes, his dark brown depths staring straight ahead into oblivion. She could always tell his emotions from his eyes, despite his best poker face. She had been so worried about him as she had observed his stumble up the offices and into the bathrooms and had been seconds away from calling an ambulance. He had been so disoriented, mumbling incoherently and screaming out for her. She was beyond grateful that she had been there and able to help him. Also, that no one else had been around. Harvey would never live it down.

When she had first heard about Harvey's panic attacks and therapy sessions, she had been visibly shocked. Harvey, who had always shut himself off from emotion, was the complete opposite of the sort of person you'd expect to experience these. He put on a hard front but Donna had seen the soft side of him more than anyone. It wasn't so much of a surprise that the man who bore everyone else's distress on top of his own fair share would eventually crash. She loved Harvey in more ways than one but she truly admired his ability to help out anyone who deserved it without any thought of how it would affect himself. She knew it would all catch him up at one point.

"Are you ok?" She knew it was a terrible question but he nodded firmly in response, his jaw tight and she saw the shame sweep across his face. She smiled sympathetically but he didn't see her, his eyes still glazed over.

"How was it with Mike?"

He met her eyes now and she could see the deep grief and regret pouring out of them. She wished she had never mentioned it and was afraid that he would collapse on her. He looked as helpless as an abandoned puppy and she had an urge to pull him into a hug again. But instead she put her hand on his. He'd always responded more to physical contact. They were looking directly at each other, pulled together by the setup of the table and she could see new threat lines on his forehead. Harvey had almost aged in the past few weeks but he still looked just as handsome as ever. Even after the panic attack, his hair was still stuck up in a fluffy but straight line. She had an urge to run her hands through it. She always had an urge to run her hands through his hair and do a lot more. He looked around calmly.

"Donna.. What have I done?"

Her heart and her throat began to close up as his voice broke on the last word. He looked absolutely devastated. She was pushed back to the night a couple of days prior when Harvey had turned up at her apartment, wanting to give himself up. He had described then his own guilt and regret. It would forever be engraved in her mind when he had said that it was all 'his goddamn fault" and then almost burst into tears in front of her. She had complete faith then that Harvey's magnificent ability to twist any story and Mike's lovable and honest nature had won over the jury and that they were all in the clear. She hadn't been able to allow Harvey to take the fall then and she wouldn't let him do it now.

"Harvey. You need to accept this and move on now. I've already told you that you shouldn't be baring this all yourself. All of us played a part and now we have to deal with the consequences together."

"But Mike. He's all on his own.."

"Mike will be fine. He's a lot tougher than you think and in some ways, he'll love prison life. Think about how many books he can memorise in that library. He'll be out in 18 months on good behaviour and you know it." Donna was trying to keep her tone optimistic but Harvey was still looking at her helplessly.

"Harvey, Mike chose his decision and he wouldn't want you to be out here moping about it. He left you out here to sort out this other shit we're in."

He neither acknowledged or responded to what she had said.

"How's Rachel?" That caught Donna of guard. She looked at him and stuttered for a moment.

"She's obviously shaken up, gone home with her parents to calm down but she'll come around."

He looked away now, the self loathing still evident and made a move to stand up.

"I have to go see her."

But Donna couldn't leave him like this. She couldn't bear the thought of him continuing to beat himself up. Harvey had always been so carefree, a source of humour at times like these, when everyone else was down in the dumps. Harvey never admitted defeat and she needed to get that spark back.

He was still blabbering on now about how he couldn't live with himself leaving Rachel alone at a time like this and on impulse she grabbed his tie and pulled him into a kiss. It was the only way to get him to shut up.

At first he fought her, not allowing himself to respond in anyway and Donna's shock at what she had done meant that she was only lacklusterly into it. He gently pushed her away and they both looked at each other only briefly separated in absolute horror.

"Are we really doing this now?" Harvey basically screamed at her but she could see the desire in his eyes, his spark returning.

"Harvey. I love you and you love me. I'll say it for you. And I need to show you right now that you are loved seeing as you have no love for yourself."

He looked at her his head tilted to one side, struggling to comprehend what she had said.

"How long are we going to wait whilst everything else falls down around us? Aren't we allowed a small moment of happiness in this ever growing world of sadness?" Donna was pleading with him now with the knowledge that he wanted this.

There was a split second of hesitation in which Donna almost turned around and walked away, never coming back. She needed him right now as much as he needed himself. After all, she was the one who had created the doubt over the trial with her testimony. I'd like to assert my 5th amendment right. How stupid could she have been?

But suddenly their mouths crashed together in an explosion of passion. They kissed with a desperation of 12 years of pent up frustration and a thought that if one of them stopped they'd realise what they were doing.

Harvey picked her up, tired of leaning over. Donna's black skirt was tight and he had no problem moving it up her calves so she could wrap her legs around him. They were still exploring each other's mouths with their tongues, their arms entwined in each other's bodies and hair. Donna gasped, using her new position as an advantage, grinding against Harvey, feeling how hard he was for her, her hands up under his shirt.

She always looked so cool and collected but was now tugging at Harvey's shirt, fumbling one handed with the buttons whilst her other hand ran through his luscious hair. She was doing something with her tongue that was driving him insane and making his eyes cross.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Harvey knew that it wasn't long until Jessica and Louis would be back and that this was wrong on too many levels. But he really didn't care. The thought was forced out of his mind when she pushed away from him and he placed her down uncertainly on unsteady feet but gasped in relief when he realised that all she wanted was to take off her high heeled shoes. They took a moment, looking at each other, still uncertain of the others commitment to this but finally gave in and reunited.

She finally released his shirt and Harvey got to work on the ties on the shoulders of her silky top as she ran her tongue across his broad chest. They couldn't do it fast enough, filled with ultimate desire to get the job done after all these years. Harvey had seen many girls naked but had never looked at any of them with the love that he now looked at Donna. Every part of her was perfect to him. And every idea that he should be the good guy and do the right thing by stopping this went out of the window.

She had a body made to make men stupid and Harvey was not immune. He'd had much practice at sex but was getting horribly distracted and had never fumbled so much. She just smiled at him, in between kisses. Harvey reached to pull the straps off of her fancy bra and Donna pressed closer to him, making short work of the zipper on his pants. Her lips fluttered over the pulse pounding rapidly near his throat as her hands trailed lightly over his chest and abs that were tense with desire.

"Stop thinking so hard," her voice broke through his haze, husky and cloudy with desire and Harvey sealed his mouth back over hers, taking back control. Finally, they were both undressed not in anyway sheltered with the stunning New York skyline as their backdrop. Harvey pulled her on top of him as the fell onto the leather sofa together, crashing around his office in the process. Her hands had found what they were looking for and he struggled to keep his composure. Donna was still beaming. Her eyes appreciative of his naked form.

He bought his arms firmly around her waist clutching her tightly to him, letting her know that she was his and always had been. His lips parted and their tongues brushed together once more, filling the room with gasps. Their lips were moving together with ferocity and Donna's fingers were again locked in his thick hair as they moved together. It was quiet and their breathing was amplified in the dark stillness of the deserted offices. She traced Harvey's sculpted chest again, allowing him to decide the time to move forward. But they were both enjoying this angst far too much.

Donna shivered as they both groaned when she reached the V at the bottom of his chest looking at each other with need, an intense, burning need. Harvey's eyes raked her body with such desire as he teased her nipples, fighting the urge to be inside her for as long as possible. And then it broke.

He quickly adjusted himself and pushed into Donna before she could process what happened and in between the pleasure he chuckled. Donna was delighted with the smile now plastered across his face.

"Did I just catch Donna off guard?"

She buried her head in his neck and they both paused to catch breath before impatience took hold of Donna and much to Harvey's surprise, she raised her hips and pulled him back into her. His hot breath across her skin was igniting an old fire inside her that only he had ever been able to nurse.

And then they found their rhythm, he plunged harder and deeper into the red head, with a rough intensity but also an inexplicable sweetness at the same time. Donna eagerly met him with each thrust and their bodies fit together like two halves of a friendship necklace. Neither of them cared about prolonging anymore because it was clear that they both wanted each other and needed to satisfy the ache building with each passing second.

They both lost control of what little control they had left together, and couldn't hold back the sounds their bodies were demanding to make. Her fingers raked down his back much harder than she was expecting and the wetness of blood just added to the moment.

They lied there together, having rolled off the sofa and onto the floor. Donna began shiver and they met eyes uncertainly. She wasn't sure how he would react to this now that it was over. Neither of them had the excuse of being drunk this time. But all her doubts surpassed when Harvey cuddled up to her and smiled. A smile that stretched right across his face.

They kissed briefly, this time slower but with even more feeling behind it. He paused and pulled back, his breath shallow and fast. He now looked at Donna, suddenly looking very nervous himself. And she had never seen that look pass across his face. It was mixed with fear and she pulled him tighter to her but at the same time gave him the space he needed to say what he was about to say.

"I'm in love with you," he whispered, searching her eyes for a response. He looked very pale and almost scared but the expression spread across his face was more hopeful. Donna's eyes started to tear up and he bought a hand up to stroke her cheek and kissed her again, tenderly and sweetly as if he was afraid of breaking her.

And then he broke apart from her suddenly and started grabbing the clothing spread around the floor. When he turned around he was still smiling but with a look of pure determination on his face.

"It's time to kick some ass." He winked at her.

And with that he threw her clothes on top of her and headed out in the direction of the bathrooms presumably to get changed himself. Strolling along naked and almost, just almost carefree.


	2. Chasing Cars

A/N- So I originally intended for this to be a one chapter, one shot. But have a few ideas and am hoping to make it into a multi chapter fic. This is a slightly smaller chapter than I was hoping but I think it ends well and I wanted to get it out before the episode tonight (which, btw, I am so excited for!) Hope you're all well, let me know any thoughts or feelings!

 **"Those three words,**

 **are said too much.**

 **They're not enough."**

 **"If I lay here.**

 **If I just lay here.**

 **Would you lie with me,**

 **And just forget the world."**

 **-Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol**

Donna was left lying dumbfounded on the floor of her bosses office. What the hell had just happened? She actually pinched herself, wondering if it had all just been a really weird but fantastic dream.

She pulled herself up into a seated position and observed the office. In the rush, her and Harvey had knocked over most of the paperwork on his desk, thrown pencils and pens everywhere and made a right mess of the couch area. Despite the tension she still felt at the situation they were in, Donna started laughing hysterically. In fact, she must have been laughing like some lunatic for a good couple of minutes before taking hard breaths to calm herself down. Even after this, she was still giggling quietly to herself as she managed to redress quickly in a pale blue silky top and tight black pencil skirt.

As she did this, she wondered how they had managed to get to this point. It was only a year ago after all, that she had left Harvey for Louis in an attempt to move on and escape the feelings that she felt for him. But there lives had changed dramatically since that time period and things felt different now. Harvey was going to need her over the next couple of weeks, more than ever. Everyone was going to need Donna to be their rock; Rachel would need comforting when the time comes, Louis would need her to support him as Gretchen still wasn't back, even Jessica may need a hand. It was going to be all hands on deck. The only person she couldn't be much use to was Mike. Mike...

She thought back to the afternoon. Rachel had looked absolutely beautiful and pure in her dress. Donna had to hold back tears when she saw her best friend looking so pure and innocent. She had been so proud of how far her and Mike had come despite a few hiccups. And the day was all the more emotional, the constant thought in the back of Donna's mind that this wasn't fair. That they didn't deserve this punishment.

As soon as Mike had come into the room, she had known what he was about to do. She was Donna after all. Her heart broke for them both.

She went to join Harvey, giving them both the privacy that they needed in their final moments. She smiled and bantered with Louis until Rachel had reentered the main hall of the church and thanked everyone for coming but stated that this wasn't under appropriate circumstances and therefore the wedding was going to be postponed. Donna hadn't been surprised when she had looked behind her for Harvey only to find that he had disappeared. Rachel had caught her eye and looked confused but quickly realised what Donna had spotted as missing. The beautiful brunette had scurried to the huge doors at the back of the church as it occurred to her what was happening.

It destroyed Donna's heart when she finally reached the doors and watched as Harvey's Lexus drove off and Rachel broke down on the steps of the church that was supposed to hold so many happy memories. She had left Rachel in the comfort of her Mother and Father with the knowledge that there wasn't much she could do to help her poor best friend at this time. In fact, Donna believed that her presence would have actually deteriorated Rachel in a way, bought back too many unwelcome memories. She needed space.

Donna was absently clearing up Harvey's office, placing everything back in its preferred setting as her thoughts kept running. A noise behind her made her jump and she quickly dabbed at the tears that had formed in her eyes and returned to a more composed posture as she heard Louis and Jessica approach.

Jessica's head was high and she was walking with confidence but the thunderous look on her face and the way that Louis was scurrying along behind her revealed that they had been unsuccessful in their attempts. Donna sighed internally. This was going to be a long night. And where did Harvey disappear to again? Surely it hadn't taken him that long to redress. It certainly hadn't taken that long to undress him.

But just as Jessica and Louis were hurrying up one empty corridor, Donna turned to see Harvey striding up the other. She looked away, still nervous at how he would react to the twist in their relationship. But Donna couldn't resist not looking for long. Harvey was still beaming from ear to ear and he winked at her impenetrating glare.

"Donna. I thought we'd find you here. Has the man of the hour turned up yet?" Jessica booming voice penetrated her reverie and Donna couldn't help but smirk at her chosen words.

Before she could reply, Harvey commandeered in behind them. His face was serious now, but he still smiled fondly at Donna when he thought no one else could see. Donna observed the tension in his cheeks and neck muscles and noted his shortness of breath. Harvey must still be overcoming his horrifying panic attack from earlier in the evening. Or maybe he was still recovering from their session.

"Jessica, I like what you've done with the place whilst I've been gone. Nice to see you've finally got rid of those annoying Harvard douches." Harvey displayed himself as cool and relaxed but Donna knew that deep down, this was destroying him.

"You went to Harvard?" Jessica questioned with a scowl on her face.

"As I've said many times before, I'm the exception." Harvey grinned but it was obvious his heart wasn't in this.

There was a pause before Jessica asked "How did it go with Mike?"

Donna watched Harvey compose himself and swallow before answering. She knew he felt the same dark hole in his heart at the mention of his former associates name.

"He's turning into a right little troublemaker," Harvey said quietly, his words laced with guilt and regret. Donna pondered about how long it would take Harvey to overcome and accept this. And then she realised that he probably never would.

"I'm sorry Harvey, but we don't have time for this," Louis' voice broke the silence. "Meet us in the conference room in 5 minutes." And with that he strutted out of the office. Jessica raised her eyebrow but followed him out. Just as she started to head back down through the empty floor, she turned back, "Harvey, you're flies are undone. And Donna, you may want to run a brush through your hair."

Harvey and Donna both turned towards each other with shocked expressions.

"She knows," Donna said, her lips pulled tight.

"Don't be stupid." Harvey reassured her. "It was totally a coincidence."

"You know she knows," Donna glared at Harvey. If Jessica knew, they were in trouble. This was not the right timing. They both needed to be focused and on their game right now. And Jessica could make life very difficult for them both if not.

"You're just being paranoid," Harvey noted before grabbing some files and heading out of his office himself. But as Donna strolled down the hall to follow him, Harvey turned and grabbed her by the arm, pulling the both of them into an empty office.

"Donna, I need you to listen to me-"

"Harvey, what the hell is going on? Don't just grab me like that. You scared the shit out of me."

They were both only inches apart, with Donna pushed up against the wall and Harvey with his hands on her arms. Her skin ignited with his touch and she was resisting the urge to meet his lips. But Harvey was breathing hard, not looking at Donna and obviously contemplating whether to tell her what was on his mind.

"Look, I can't go in there." Harvey said quickly and took a step backwards, raising his arms to show exasperation.

Donna quickly realised what was happening and took a deep breath, she thought she had fixed Harvey, but obviously something had spooked him, made him change his mind.

"You saw the way that Jessica was looking at me. And Louis, he's pissed. I've never seen him act like that before. You need to go help them, but I'm leaving. I need to go work on Mike's case and find a way of getting him out." Harvey was talking quickly in between heavy breaths. She could see the panic starting to rebuild.

"Harvey, do you really believe that Jessica wants you to leave, after all the people that has left tonight, you are the only one that can help. You aren't getting Mike out of there tonight, they need you here. We all need you here."

"Donna-"

"Harvey-"

"I Did THIS." Harvey exploded. "I'm the one that has destroyed this firm, I've ruined everything that Jessica has worked so hard to achieve. Named partner? Ha, I don't deserve junior partner with the mess I've made."

"Harvey, how many times have you caused a jeopardy that could have destroyed this firm? That's what you do, you make a mess and then you clear it up, you fix things."

Harvey glared at Donna, "Don't compare me to Stephen Huntly."

"I wasn't. You need to understand that this wasn't just on you. Both of them knew about Mike and could have stopped it years ago." Donna moved forward to touch him and reassure him but Harvey swatted hand away.

"I'm not letting you persuade me on this one. I need to go. Now. Can you just go give this to Jessica and deal with this for me?" Harvey pushed past her and hurried down the hall but Donna quickly grabbed him herself.

"You listen to me. This is not the Harvey Specter that I know. Yeah, you are a lot of things; arrogant, selfish sometimes, difficult, some might even call you a criminal. But you are not a coward. The Harvey Specter that I fell in love with would be thrilled by a situation like this. In a crisis, you don't run. You don't freeze. You fight and keep moving forward. Now swallow your ego, get your ass in that room and help them sort this shit out."

Harvey felt his mouth drop open, and he stared at Donna dumbfounded. Had he just imagined what she had said? Maybe this was just some big bad dream. Despite the situation, he couldn't help thinking that she was really hot when she got angry. She returned his gaze questioningly.

"Look, I don't know why you're staring at me like that. I've told you before, if you want a secretary who is going to sit and answer phones then you need to put an add in the paper because that's not me."

"Donna-"

"Look Harvey, you know that I speak my mind. Sometimes you need me to shout at you that's all."

"Donna-" Harvey was trying desperately to get her to stop talking, to make her listen to him but she was still rambling.

"Look, I'm not going to apologise. You're being an absolute dick, and you needed to be put straight. Now can we go and start operation right the shit?"

She had finally taken a breath and they both met eyes, his brown depths penetrating.

"You just said "the Harvey Specter that I fell in love with"?"

Harvey was almost speechless. His mind was a mix of emotions but overall he was petrified. For years they had tiptoed over the subject, tried to pretend that everything was normal. He knew their relationship was special. They were the perfect team at work and were highly protective of each other. Harvey was thinking back to the time when Donna had been charged and faced prison time. The thought of losing her, of her going to jail had destroyed him. He was up most nights worrying. But was what he felt for her love? He had never felt like this for anyone before. Not Scottie, not Zoe. He thought that what he felt for them was love, but it really wasn't. He could live without them in his life, but Donna, she was a whole different story.

As his mind reeled with these memories, he looked at Donna. She was gazing at the floor, a look of horror stretched across her face. Her skin had paled, making a stark contrast with her radiant hair. Donna's stomach had dropped at Harvey's words and she had quickly gone over in her mind what she had said. But she had been rambling, trying her best to make him stay, to make him listen to her. She was terrified that he was going to break. She had been terrified for days that he would finally throw himself overboard. She wouldn't be able to do this without Harvey. Pearson, Specter, Litt wouldn't survive without Harvey. But had she really told him that she loved him?

Hastily, Donna looked up and ended up staring right into his eyes. A penetrating silence had stilled the room and she felt completely alone. It was like time was stood still as they both contemplated the meaning of this. Although so much else was happening, her mind had forgotten about everything else. Maybe Harvey should go? Or maybe she should take the hint and leave? After all, there wasn't anything she could do to resolve this situation. She shook her head at Harvey, unable to speak. Her throat felt constricted and dry and she couldn't find the words anyway. She pushed past him now, making her way towards the exit. Something which she knew in her mind should have happened a long time ago.

But it shocked her to find that his arms were on hers again, dragging her back into the abandoned office. He didn't say a word but suddenly his lips were on hers again and they were kissing. She could taste the scotch that they had both been drinking back in the office. The kiss wasn't desperate or much near passionate, it was long and lingering but Donna was too scared to pull away. Finally Harvey pulled back for breath and looked dead into her eyes. His were on fire, lit up like a flame in the dark office. He pulled back her hair and whispered quietly in her ear.

"Please stay."

And then she heard his voice break for the second time this evening.

"I need you." He paused again, looking out into the skyline. A look of confliction crossed his normally stricken face.

"I want you."

And with that, he turned and left, with the file back in his hand, leaving Donna startled and astonished at his revelation


	3. Not today

**A/N- How freaking awesome was that first episode last week? I'm kind of gutted because I'm travelling around at the moment and am unable to see the next two episodes till I'm back home. It does mean a lack of Internet connection and no way to research things for the story. However, travelling does mean lots of time bored on airplanes, perfect writing and procrastinating opportunities. So I've come up with a new ark for the story, to keep it away from canon. As always, let me know your thoughts, feelings and ideas.**

"We finally fall apart,

And we break each other's hearts.

If we wanna live young love,

we'd better start today."

"It's gonna get easier,

easier, somehow."

Imagine Dragons- Not Today

Harvey rounded the corner and out of site and earshot of his secretary. He felt like a young child, highly vulnerable and scared. The last place he wanted to be tonight was here in these abandoned offices, where his guilt was evident round every corner. He wanted to be at home, wallowing in a bottle of scotch and coming up with some ingenious plan to get Mike out of there. He should be with Rachel.

His last promise to Mike was that he would do everything possible to take care of Rachel whilst Mike was inside. And Harvey had abandoned her on his first night, unable to face her and her anger at him. Or was he unable to face his own feelings?

He had already lost his best friend and little brother today, and he had probably just lost Donna forever too. How stupid could he have been to let his feelings get in the way and sleep with her again? Although, if Harvey was honest with himself, he didn't regret any of it. They had always been the perfect pair, both at work and in bed. They couldn't continue this act of tip toeing over each other, it was obvious that their feelings were stronger for each other.

Harvey had felt an overwhelming happiness when she had mentioned her love for him earlier. His mind was thrown back to that night, a year ago, when he had said, 'You know I love you Donna'. He had left the feeling uncertain. But he did love her. He just wasn't certain that's what it was. He had never really seen proper love between two people. When he was younger his Mom always told his Dad that she loved him. But he knew that deep down she hadn't. That she was sleeping with other men.

Of course, Harvey could see the love in his Father's eyes that had blinded him of what was happening in his own house. But that just caused him to feel angry. How could his Father have been so stupid? It was right under his nose.

Mike was the one who had shown Harvey what true love was. The way he had looked at Rachel since the first day he worked here was different. Almost a pure anguished look that said I want to be with you forever. Harvey realised that it was the same way he looked at Donna for the past 12 years. He felt that emptiness in his heart when he thought of his former associate turned junior partner. This was going to be a difficult two years when there were memories of Mike in every area of the offices.

Harvey had to admit that he had also been terrified. Terrified at the idea that he would lose her, that he would mess up the whole thing. No way was he pitying her. How could he pity Donna? She was the most incredible Women he had ever met.

He really hoped, beyond all hope, that she would give him a chance. A chance to prove that he could do this. He could make her happy. That he wouldn't run at the first chance. But she was probably long gone by now. Donna had given him plenty of chances, it was probably for the best that he give her an out. Let her go and try to move on.

For now, he needed to deal with Jessica and Louis. Find a way to get them all out of this mess and hopefully win back their trust. He was devastated, watching as his family fell apart. This was a tough situation, that they needed to get through together, but never had they all been so divided. He would never be able to get through this without their full support.

Harvey stopped and gave himself one last second of peace before he had to get his shit together. He treasured every millisecond and took one final breath before bracing himself. He walked into the conference room with his shoulders hunched. This was going to be difficult.

As he entered the room, all Harvey could hear was Louis' nonchalant voice, ranting and rambling. Jessica was sat at the head of the table, with both her feet crossed and up on the table. She looked almost asleep. Louis was leant against the window, but only just keeping himself balanced. He was waving his hands about and slurring dramatically.

"Jessica, we can do this without him. Stop panicking. You once said, "Pearson would always consider Litt her partner." We can rebuild this without that stupid Specter. He got us in this mess anyway, by hiring that silly college dropout."

Harvey, despite being hurt by the mans words, couldn't help but laugh.

"Louis, are you drunk?"

Louis turned around gobsmacked. He looked horrified.

"I'll have you know, I haven't had a drop of alcohol. Just some good old fashioned weed." As he said this, Louis turned to reveal the rolled up joint in his hand. Harvey then recognised the musky smell, that he was familiar with from Mike's old apartment block.

Jessica had awoken now and was fully alert.

"Harvey, thanks for finally joining us." She said, her tone gruff, dismissively.

Harvey's expression turned guilty. "I'm sorry, I had some shit to sort out."

"Well, if you hadn't noticed there is some shit to sort out here." Jessica's serious face finally broke into a hilarious laughter. She held her sides as she fell off the chair, struggling to catch her breath.

"Sorry, I can't take you seriously when you look so serious." She finally managed to say hysterically.

Harvey managed a smile before taking one of the already prepared joints off the table. He held it between his fingers but just as he was about to light it, Louis came tumbling through the air, and knocked him to the ground.

"Louis, what the hell are you doing?" Harvey said, groaning. He was sat precariously on the floor with Louis flat out on top of him.

"Don't do it to yourself Harvey. You'll become addicted and fall into a deep despair, with nothing left in your life. All of your friends will disown you."

Louis then looked around scared.

"The voices have already started." He then shrunk into the corner.

"Don't worry Louis, this is perfectly safe. Me and Jessica have done it before."

Harvey winked at Jessica with the fond memories of the time in her office. Louis looked horrified.

After a few puffs Harvey set the joint out and sat down. Louis was still cowered in the corner with his hands over his ears like a petrified little animal. But Jessica had managed to find her way back to a chair and was sat fiddling through some files.

"Is this the newspaper stand guy?" Harvey asked innocently.

"Nope." Jessica replied, smiling.

"Coffee cart guy?" Harvey looked confused.

But Jessica's smile broadened, "I have many contacts Harvey."

"You have a drug dealer?" Harvey gasped and Louis looked up in shock. Jessica didn't reply, but was still smirking quietly.

"So, I leave you guys alone for a couple of hours and instead of getting to business, you get high?" Harvey raised his eyebrows at them both.

"At least we didn't sleep with one another." Jessica looked at Harvey knowingly and he turned away from her, glowering. Instead he changed the subject.

"You know who would love this?" Harvey looked at both his partners. Louis looked confused but Jessica nodded compassionately.

"Mike." She said matter of factly. "Your missing him aren't you?" She smiled at Harvey, reminiscing about how much he had changed since she had first met him in the post room. Often Jessica put that change to her brilliant mentoring, but she knew that the person who had really changed Harvey for the better was Mike. She had long since forgiven him for hiring the young and misplaced kid. Without him, they would probably be in a bigger mess.

Louis stared at Harvey, "I always knew that kid was a drug dealer!" He exclaimed with pride.

"How do you think I hired him?" Harvey smirked. "He was running away from the cops with a briefcase full of weed when he stumbled into my interview."

"So, why the fuck did you hire him?" Louis had slightly more anger in his tone now, and he looked at Harvey with his eyes wide.

"He beat me." Harvey said.

Harvey was looking out the window onto the skyline. It was late now and lights were beginning to disappear, meaning that the stars in the dark, cloudless sky were beginning to appear. He was remembering all the good times that him and Mike had shared over the years, along with all the bad, of course. One night that stuck out was the evening that they both got high together in his old apartment and then came up with the plan to rid Daniel Hardman.

"He should be here, helping us get out of the hole. But instead, he's taking the easy way out in prison." Harvey, Jessica and Louis all smiled at each other, despite the situation.

"His genius mind would be useful. He was always good at getting us out of the shit." Louis responded.

Harvey sighed, taking a moment to prepare himself. He had to say this, and there wouldn't be a better time than now, where he could just blame it on the weed. This is why he always used to remain unattached, separated from the feelings that would make him weak. But now, he had a family that he cared about, other than his little doofus brother who lived out of state.

"Look, I never said I was sorry for hiring Mike. But I am. I took a huge risk and it backfired on all of us. This is all my fault and I sincerely apologise to you both."

He took a deep breath, unable to look up at the judgement of the other two partners. The silence was unbearable.

"I promise I will work 24/7 for the foreseeable future in order to rebuild this firm and restore it to your former glory. Louis, there's no man I would want more as my partner in a situation like this. You really are a genius. And Jessica, you gave me a chance when I really needed it and I really am sorry for what I've done to ruin what you've worked so hard to achieve."

The room fell to silence once more as Harvey considered whether he should say more. He didn't have much practice at this sharing all your feelings business. For a brief second, he felt highly exposed, as if he was standing there naked.

But then he looked up in surprise, as Jessica exploded in a fit of childish giggles and Louis also started cackling with laughter. Harvey looked at them both with a hurt pout. He had thought they were taking him seriously. Then he released the breath he wasn't aware he was holding and joined their contagious laughter. Were they going to get anywhere tonight?

As all 3 partners struggled to compose themselves, Harvey poured them all a drink and passed round the joint.

"Has anyone ever told you that your stoned is depressing Harvey?" Louis asked teasingly.

Harvey smiled briefly to mask his guilt and pain. He was returned again to that night many years ago when him and Mike had got high together and he had finally opened up about his Father and his Mother's infedility. Mike, still devastated from the death of his Grandma, had said those exact words and then told him never to get high again. The kid would be annoyed that he had missed this.

Harvey had to turn his mind from his thoughts and get more productive. So he sat down at the table, pulling up details of his potentially former clients. As he sat down and got to work, so did Jessica and Louis. They sat in silence, hard at work, occasionally asking a question to one another. Harvey looked at the time to see that it was only 8pm. He would be able to call and reassure some major clientele before the news broke officially in the morning. So he pulled the phone over and started dialling.

But he found as he placed the phone to his ear, that nothing was actually happening. So he redialled the number and instead put the phone on speaker, but still the phone was making no indicative sound. After several more tries, Harvey began getting rather frustrated and took the anger out on the phone, much to Jessica and Louis' amusement.

He slammed it down one last time and shouted "for fuck sake". Louis, highly amused, came over to try the number himself. But the smug grin was wiped off of his face, when after several attempts, he also couldn't get the phone to work. Both Harvey and Louis argued until it got on Jessica's nerves, so she walked over to there side of the table, dialled the number and waited for the phone to work. But, none of the three partners could get the phone to work. They were all getting very frustrated, arguing among each other, until Louis had a realisation.

"Where's Donna when you need her?" Both of the partners looked at Harvey, Louis with a questioning expression and Jessica with a frown.

Harvey turned away from them both and muttered under his breath, "I sent her to look after Rachel."

Jessica nodded at this, knowing that it wasn't the right time to press Harvey on the issue. It was getting late for her, as she had been up since 5am that morning and so she grabbed her bag and started heading back to her office, instructing her two boys to get some rest so they could kick ass in the morning.

Harvey nodded to her, signalling a goodbye, but when he turned around, Louis was glowering at him.

"You slept with her again?" He asked, his face straight.

At this Harvey looked surprised, "again?" He questioned. He was sure that he hadn't told Louis, and didn't think Donna would have either.

But this exclamation by Harvey gave Louis all the information he needed and his clouded thoughts (due to the weed) was not helping him think rational. He swung his arm towards Harvey's face who just managed to duck the blow.

Louis was shaking his hand, which had slammed into the back of Harvey's chair where the latters head had been just moments previously.

Harvey stared at Louis in shock, but now he swung open handed at Harvey who, due to the shock didn't manage to move out of the way in time. Harvey's head was thrown sideways causing his neck to click awkwardly.

Louis was as red as a beetroot. "Donna told me about 'the other time'. First Elsa and now this. How could you be so stupid Harvey? We've already lost everything, so you just throw Donna into the mix too?"

Harvey was trying to get Louis to listen, despite his own humiliation but the short head man was overflowing with anger and was suddenly throwing himself at Harvey again, who just managed to block his boisterous blows.

Just as Harvey was beginning to fight back, with no other choice but the keep Louis off him and try and prevent damage to them both, he felt arms pushing them both apart and was staring into the familiar eyes and red head, who had dragged him into the corner with unbelievable strength. Harvey's adrenaline started to calm and he looked over to the other side of the room, where Jessica was pushing Louis back and talking to him quietly in a hushed tone.

His attention turned to Donna with a undeniable happiness that she was still here, that she hadn't left him and he began thanking her for getting him out of there. But his happiness soon faded when he saw the sorrowful look on her usually upbeat face.

"Harvey-" she was crying, the tears streaming down her cheeks, causing her voice to come out in a muffled tone.

"Harvey-" she was crying, the tears streaming down her cheeks, causing her voice to come out in a muffled tone.

Harvey held her in his arms, comforting her, petrified of what she was about to say. After 30 seconds of terrified dread, he pulled her away slightly, so he could look directly at her and forced himself to put on a straight and determined face.

"Donna, tell me what's happened."

But she just shook his head and Harvey pulled her back into her arms steadily. Never had he seen her so distressed and it broke his heart.

"Shh," he hushed. "Tell me when you can."

So he stood, almost cradling his secretary, brushing the hair out of her face, until her voice croaked.

"It's Rachel."

Harvey felt his worst fears come to life as he imagined every possible scenario.

"She's been in a car accident. We have to get to the hospital."

Donna broke down in sobs again, and Harvey too shocked to properly process her revelation pulled her back into his arms.

He looked over to the other side of the conference room, into Jessica's grave face that was lit up by moon and starlight. Thats what finally realised how real the situation was. Jessica never got upset over anything.


	4. Thirteen Senses

" **Come on, come on,**

 **put your hands into the fire,**

 **explain, explain**

 **as I turn and meet the power,**

 **pull up, pull up,**

 **from one extreme to another."**

 **Into the Fire- Thirteen Senses.**

 **A/N- Rather annoyed about this chapter because I wrote so much more which I lost. (never rely on technology) Had to rewrite and edit this a lot but I hope it's ok. Please let me know what you think. I love delving into Harvey's thoughts.**

It seemed like only moments later that Harvey was rushing through hospital corridors, trying to find the ward that Rachel was on. His heart was pounding with the dread and he had to swallow the bile of panic that was building up in the back of his throat.

Back at the office, he had called Ray and had apologised but explained the emergency and the always loyal driver had arrived and got them to the hospital in record breaking time. He had felt awful leaving Jessica and Louis but knew that this was where he was supposed to be. They had both wanted to come with him but he had told them to stay put. There wasn't any point in them all going: none of them could help Rachel now.

As he strolled around, he realised that the hospital was so loud and busy, even at this hour, with people's lives on the balance everywhere. Round every corner, Harvey looked into the faces of forlorn family, awaiting news. This wasn't his 'd never spent much time in hospitals throughout his life. His Dad had been unwell but that was when he was only just toddling around and he had a brief memory of going to visit his father. Everything had seemed so much simpler back then.

When he was at Harvard, Harvey had spent time caring for Marcus who had come down sick, apparently pneumonia. Harvey had felt desperate then, his little brother laid up in a hospital bed. But he knew now that it wasn't anything compared to this.

In the hospital, everywhere he turned there seemed to be a crisis; Doctors running around, nurses carrying defibrillators, someone running into a room with a crash cart. It seemed to reflect Harvey's life at the moment. Round every corner, another one of his family were in danger. Over the past few years, he had risked losing Donna on more occasions than bearable. He'd had to defend Mike countless times. Both Jessica and Louis were at a huge threat in Mike's case. The only person Harvey hadn't needed to worry about was Rachel. After all this loss and regret, he couldn't cope with losing Rachel. They all couldn't lose Rachel.

As these thoughts rushed to the forefront of his mind, he could feel the dread in his stomach rising, indicating another attack. But he forced his mind to focus, to push it back down and keep it there. He needed to be strong now, to keep control of his feelings and not break down. Whatever happened, he needed to keep himself together. If only for Mike, Rachel, Jessica and Louis.

And Donna. He turned to his right and felt himself calm instantly, seeing her at his side. Back at the office, she had broken down briefly, sobbing at the fate of her best friend. He had wanted her to stay, to help out Jessica and Louis and because he wasn't sure if she could handle seeing Rachel. Or maybe he didn't think he could handle it. But Harvey had known she would be stubborn and that it wasn't worth arguing with her. So here she was, right where she was supposed to be.

They always took on challenges together. Side by side, with his suit as his battle armour. It would have been strange if she wasn't there. Like if his right arm wasn't there. People survived without a limb but they had to adjust everything, to change their whole lifestyle and all that took time. That's what he felt like with Donna. He could live without her, with time to come to terms with the situation. But he didn't want to.

She obviously sensed his eyes on her because she turned and offered an encouraging smile and placed her pinky finger around his. They were breaking the untold rule a lot tonight. Both of them had done everything they could to not touch each other since the other time.. But everything had changed tonight. Everything really had changed tonight.

Harvey didn't want to think about his feelings for Donna. It was too complicated at this difficult time when his emotions were all over the place. He felt something, he knew that. And he would give just about anything to explore that feeling with the knowledge now that she felt the same. But right now he needed her. He needed her in his life to keep him sane in this messed up world.

He was in awe at how quickly she had composed herself back at the office. She had run off to the bathrooms briefly, Jessica following to ensure she was ok. And moments later she had returned, the strong and fierce Donna, ready to take on the world. She never failed to amaze him. Harvey didn't have much choice but to sober up pretty quickly and rush out with her. But, he was glad that she had come, he wasn't sure if he could do this alone.

He forced himself to focus now, to shake off the thoughts. Back in the car, they had rung ahead to try to find more news about Rachel. She had been bought in by ambulance and taken straight to the ER but they had instantly moved her to ICU where she was awaiting surgery. Harvey tried to stop thinking about what this meant. Considering they weren't family, Harvey had used every trick in the book to find out more about her situation but only just managed to get a room number.

He cursed himself for his lack of medical knowledge. He had never been interested in becoming a Doctor, the long hours and crazy, stressful workplace. He knew people would laugh if he told them this, considering his job. But Harvey had never considered being a lawyer a job. He had always felt comfortable doing what he did with the confidence that he would get the right outcome one way or another.

He had seen the same confidence in Rachel when he first worked with her. As a paralegal she was 5 times better than most of the stupid associates. And, when she had negotiated that deal with Jessica to pay her tuition, he had seen a little bit of himself in that smile and confidence. For a long time now, he considered Rachel like his sister in law. She wouldn't have been his first pick as a friend but he knew Mike loved her and Donna also and now he was glad to have them as his little family.

His thoughts, as they so often had this evening, turned to Mike. He was kinda glad that Mike wasn't here, knowing that the kid would be overwhelmed with worry. He'd probably be reciting some novel where someone died as a result of a car accident. But Harvey knew Mike would give anything to be here right now. And Mike should be here. Harvey was still raging at the thought that he was being punished for what they had done. They really hadn't done anything wrong. Harvey knew it had been the right decision to hire Mike all those years ago. He had deserved the opportunity more than anyone and was a fantastic lawyer.

He wondered if Mike had lived his life, and he had lived Mike's whether they would still be in the same position now. But, given Mike's cards in life, Harvey would probably be in a lot worse position than prison. Mike had been through so much in his still young life, and Harvey was dreading having to inform him off this. Would he ever forgive him? Harvey had to hope so.

They were approaching the right room and Harvey could feel Donna tense next to him. He grabbed her hand now, in need of the comfort just as much as her. They interlocked fingers again and after a pause, Harvey pushed open the door and Donna followed him inside.

Harvey felt his entire insides turn cold as he observed the room in front of him. He heard Donna gasp as she followed him in and he held her tighter, needing something to keep him grounded. The room was completely empty except a few machines still plugged in. For a moment, Harvey thought of the worst. The had arrived quickly, in less than an hour. But he was aware of how many complications could arise in that time.

He turned quickly and rushed towards the manned desk with Donna following suit. He had his lawyer mode on now, desperate to get information in any way possible. The lady working the night shift was typing away when she obviously noticed their shadows over her. She looked up and Harvey noticed her warm and comforting eyes didn't match her bleak and cold expression. She was the complete opposite of Donna, with dead straight blonde hair, brilliant blue eyes and a darker complexion. He was instantly concerned when she asked if she could help.

"Rachel Zane, room 104?" Harvey asked, the tension rising with every passing moment as he thought of the many bad scenarios.

"Are you family? Husband?" It seemed like forever that Harvey was waiting for the Women to reply as she typed on the computer.

"I'm her-" but Harvey was left struggling to respond. What did he say? Brother in law? Surrogate Husband? Just a friend? Distant Cousin?

But Donna saved the day, "we're her very concerned work colleagues. Her Father is on the way."

She smiled sweetly at the Women and time ticked by slowly as the younger Women considered them both, studying their concerned expressions and then started typing through the computer and moving files around. Harvey could hear the thuds of his heart and the heat beginning to rise as he thought of the worse. Donna looked as calm as ever but Harvey could tell from her eyes that she was panicking too.

"Rachel Zane has just been moved back to the ER, but she is about to go down for emergency surgery. Head down towards the OR and you will probably catch them on the way," the lady gave them one last cold look and returned to her work.

And Harvey barely had time to take a breath before he was racing back through corridors again, Donna in pursuit. He ran down 2 flights of stairs, instinctively knowing that this was the way to go, and decided to check the ER. They dodged Doctors, nurses, patients and other people of which watched them in awe before continuing with their journey.

Finally, he found Rachel in transit, lied on a bed, surrounded by Doctors and other medical personnel. What scared the shit out of Harvey was how lifeless she looked, her skin lacking the golden glow it often exuberated, smearings of blood covering her head and her hair tangled together.

As he approached, Harvey heard a younger looking Doctor read through her file. She looked worried and her brow was creased in concern.

"Young female, late twenties, involved in a car accident. Was confused and light-headed at the scene, vomiting blood. Abdomen is distended, she has tachycardia and is hypotensive."

The older, more professional Doctor nodded as he checked Rachel's vitals and a number of machines. He pulled up the bottom of her shirt and Harvey heard Donna gasp next to him. He pulled her into a one armed hug, needing the comfort just as much as she did. Rachel's stomach area was bulging, it was twice the size.

The Doctor tenderly pressed on the area and Rachel suddenly sprung to life as her eyes opened and she groaned in pain. "She's bleeding internally, Dr Stevens?"

The younger Doctor nodded. "Stay with her and prep for surgery, then you can scrub in with me."

That got Harvey's attention and he snapped out of the daze. Stepping forwards he asked the Doctor, "Surgery? Is it bad? Is she going to be okay?"

The Doctor turned in his tracks, finally noticing Donna and Harvey standing behind them. He gave them both a polite smile. "I'll do everything I can, do you want to talk to her quickly before we go down?"

Harvey hesitated. He wanted to talk to Rachel and apologise but knew that he wasn't the right person. He turned to Donna but she was like a statue, staring straight ahead, obviously not listening to anything they were saying. Harvey could see her starting to crumble and put his hands on either side of her face.

"Donna- Donna listen to me, Rachel is going down for general surgery but this Doctor is really good and he's going to fix her up." He felt like he was talking to a young child but was ever terrified that she was going to run and leave him to deal with this. He couldn't do this alone. He needed Donna.

"But you need to talk to her, let her know we're here and aren't going anyway."

Finally, Donna seemed to snap out of her trance. She looked at Harvey and nodded firmly and he finally felt okay to let go of her, hoping that she wouldn't fall over when he did. They both stood at either side of Rachel's bed and the nurses now prepping her body gave them the room. Harvey could feel the distance between him and Donna and wanted nothing more than to go back to earlier that evening, when she was in his arms and they were both happy.

"Hey Rachel, its me Donna. I'm here with Harvey." Harvey gripped hold of Rachel's hand to let her know of his presence and then took Donna's hand across from him. For the millionth time tonight, he wished Mike was here. It should be him doing this. Rachel needed him.

"You're just going down for surgery but we'll see you again in a few hours when you are patched up and as soon as you're back on your feet, we'll go back out with Harvey's corporate card as Harriet Specter and Michelle Ross." Harvey heard her voice begin to crack and she took a second to compose herself. He squeezed her hand, urging her to continue. But even he could feel the lump in the back of his throat.

"You'll be fine, you have to be because we need you back at the firm, okay?" A lone tear escaped and Harvey looked up to see that Donna was crying now. Rachel seemed to still be relatively conscious, groaning slightly and shifting as much as she could in the head and neck brace.

He pulled Donna next to him now, knowing there wasn't much more to say. He called the nurses back in who dragged the bed out of the room. It left just him and Donna, still stood in the same position, unable to move.

Every time Harvey had been in a hospital, it had been loud with the clatter of people getting on with endless tasks. However, in this small room it was eerily silent. It was like they were separated from the world. They were both too shocked to speak so Harvey embraced Donna who started freely crying.

He brushed her hair out of her face and held her in his arms again. He was conscious of the fact that she was crying into his favourite suit. She pulled away from him, breathing steadily again but small, desolate tears still slid steadily down her cheeks. Seeing her in such a state, finally pushed Harvey over the edge. Despite biting his tongue, he couldn't stop the tears threatening to leave.

Donna watched as a single tear escaped his warm eyes, followed quickly by two more, until a steady stream begins to fall down his pale cheeks and he released the sadness and sorrow that has been building up throughout this devastating day. They both embrace each other again, allowing themselves to fall apart for a moment and Donna is beyond glad that Harvey was here with her. Anyone else and she wouldn't have been able to cope.

Dr Stevens came back in the room and tried to reassure the couple. She tells them that her attending, Dr Harking, is the best in his field and they suspect the surgery will just be a removal of Rachel's spleen but she will update them if anything changes. She takes them back to Rachel's ward room where there is a sofa they can sit and wait with privacy. Harvey has pulled himself together now and he thanks the younger Women.

After she leaves, they sit and wait in silence, watching the time tick by steadily. They both still dont talk but communicate from brief eye contact and occasional movement. They end up back in each others arms as Harvey can't bare to see the sadness in Donna's eyes. As they cuddle and shift, he tells her that everything will be okay and he can feel the tension leave her body.


	5. The Fear

**Oh, I've been worryin' that my time is a little unclear,**

 **I've been worryin' that I'm losing the ones I hold dear,**

 **I've been worryin' that we all live our lives in the confines of fear.**

-Ben **Howard- The Fear**

Two hours later, Donna was again checking the ticking clock on the wall. It was 3am now and the room was practically silent apart from the rhythmic sounds of Harvey's breathing. The only seating in the room had been this small couch and they were both squished into it together.

Harvey had held her for a while, whispering that everything was going to be okay and that he would be here for her and she tried not to overthink what that meant. Was it just a response to the overwhelming emotions and exhaustion from the day? Or was he just pitying her again? But, he had such a soft and sympathetic tone, that she believed he meant it in some way or another. It seemed to Donna that Harvey was trying to reassure himself just as much as her.

And sure enough, not long after, she had looked around to find Harvey sound asleep. In his slumbered state, he had fallen into her side, and they were almost spooning with the lack of space. But she didn't mind, his heavy but constant breathing was like a melody to her ears. As she watched him sleep, with not much else to do, she noted his peaceful and relaxed expression. All **night,** he had seemed tense and rigged with the guilt and worry running through his veins and it calmed her to see him so relaxed.

She tried not to dwell on those thoughts building within her as she watched him sleep. She craved this life with him, where they could have a romantic and loving relationship and she could wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare but instantly feel safe, because he was there. It was what she had wanted for years now, completely charmed by him when he was an ADA.

But Harvey hadn't been ready. He hadn't been able to offer her that life. He hadn't even been able to offer her his feelings that he hid with such precision behind those walls he had built as protection: to stop what had happened to his Dad happening to him. She had always known that he had a lot of Women. She had been at his place early one morning to notify him of a meeting back in the day when Cellphones weren't as advanced and had seen him kick one of them out. Meaningless one night stands.

And then there was Scotty. She had honestly wanted them both to be happy. She thought that if Harvey settled down with this girl and had a good life, that she could move on. Find someone else herself and they could continue to be friends and working together. Some naive part of her thought that those feelings would go away. But Donna was Donna. She could see from the get go, that Harvey and Scotty weren't right for each other. They were too much at war with one another, still so competitive following those Harvard days. And Harvey couldn't be honest with her. He still wasn't ready.

The one person Donna really thought Harvey would end up with, was Zoe. They had always got on well, worked together well. And they had some deep bond. Harvey trusted her in some way or another. She knew how to call Harvey out on his shit but Donna wasn't sure if she properly understood Harvey. Not like Donna did. But the main issue was that Harvey didn't fight for her. He didn't explain his feelings to her, he didn't allow her to love him and he certainly didn't allow himself to love her.

She looked at Harvey again, content with this moment, feeling some degree of sadness for him. He must feel lonely what with his brother moving upstate, the loss of his Father and now Mike being gone and all this trouble with the firm threatening to break up the rest of his family.

Back in the day, she had wondered if it was the fact that he didn't feel the same way as her. That the feelings weren't mutual. Maybe he didn't feel the heat rising as soon as they were in the room together or notice the way they always finished each other's sentences, how they knew the other person better than they knew themselves. It was something Donna had been up at night thinking about. But she had always known in some way or another that they were both madly in love with each other.

But they had been separated for one reason or another. Through fear and dishonesty. Or the situation, or the fact they worked together. Or that they didn't want to lose each other. Or through friendship.

The question she kept asking herself was, is Harvey ready now? Could they do this together? But she decided that she would leave that up to him. She wouldn't push him anymore.

It was weird to think how much has happened that day. This morning, they were getting ready for the wedding together as best friends. The maid of honour and the best man. Wasn't there some tradition about that? They were joking and laughing as Donna showed him her dress, and he had muttered that she looked beautiful, with that look in his eyes. He looked slightly proud. And she had joked it off, taking it back to them being best friends, colleagues.

And then, all the commotion at the wedding. When she had returned from leaving Mike and Rachel, she looked at him for a second, and knew that he understood what was happening. That Mike was leaving and she'd have to stay with Rachel, whilst they left. And in that moment, she could see the deep sadness in his eyes at what he was about to do. To fully accept that Mike was going to prison and there was nothing he could do about it.

When he had returned to the firm, having that God awful panic attack and scaring the shit out of her, she had this overwhelming urge to comfort him. To show him that he was loved. And then the rest had ensued. It was just as it has been for 12 years. She thought it would be different, that they could speak about it, knock this barrier between them out. But the one thing she hadn't predicted, was him wanting to leave. And she knew it wasn't just about her, that it was the pain etched on his face every time Mike's name was mentioned or the fact that he'd have to deal with this shit at the firm, blaming himself for it.

But it had still hurt her, made her realise, that maybe he really would never be ready. That he would rather run than fully own up to his feelings. She had never known Harvey to be a coward. And in that moment, they had both declared their love to each other again. "I need you. I want you." She had needed air after that one. Needed some time to come to terms with this.

And then all this with Rachel meant that they had to put that to one side again, be in the same room together again. Rely on each other for comfort. Donna could still feel that anxious feeling inside her, the overwhelming excitement at the thought that Harvey wanted her. Like those pairings on TV that she totally shipped together. Surely they had waited long enough now? Played out the tension and emotion? They should give the fans what they wanted.

She looked at Harvey again, treasuring this moment despite the horrendous circumstances, allowing them to be in this situation. And she knew in her mind then, that despite all the times that she had been ready to leave and try to move on, there would never be anyone other than him. And with that thought, she finally felt her brain relax, and allowed the tiredness to take her into a sleep.

-SUITS-

Mike rolled over for about the hundredth time in the past hour, trying to find some comfortable way of sleeping on this bed that felt like bricks. He had arrived later than expected and by the time he had been processed and gone through the searches and check ups (he still shuddered at the memory of the strip search) it had been time for lights out when he had been escorted to his cell.

His counsellor had given him food to eat whilst conducting his report but it had only been a small leftover portion and his stomach was rumbling uncomfortably. He observed the guy in the bed next to him, his cell mate. He had been told that the guys name was Kevin but they hadn't really spoken before having to give in to the darkness.

Mike wasn't sure what time it was, the cell walls were bare, with just a few photos on Kevin's side. If he couldn't sleep whilst at home, Mike would usually get up and go for a walk around the apartment to tire himself out, or read or listen to music. But those options weren't available to him here. They only had about 6 feet squared of floor space other than the beds and he didn't want people thinking he was mad by pacing at this time of night.

So he had to be content with lying in bed and trying to block all the unwelcome thoughts that weren't allowing him to sleep.

He hadn't been here long, but Mike had already noticed a number of things. One of the most prominent was how little control he had over himself. He had been herded around like an animal all day being carefully watched by some guard. They had told him to do things and he had no choice but to do them. His days had been scheduled to timings already. He couldn't even control when he was to sleep with the first count at 6am in the morning.

This was the real lack of Freedom, having absolutely no control over your life. Being forced into situations you didn't want to be in. And Mike had always suffered from some form of OCD and hyperactive thoughts, so this was something that he really would have to get used to.

Mike thought he had held up okay so far though. He hadn't broken down yet and had managed to keep his expression neutral despite the terror that was rising inside him. If anything, at the moment, he just felt bored. He wanted someone to talk to, something to do, something to occupy his brain. And disorientated. He had no idea what was going to happen, where he was supposed to go, who he was supposed to talk to, what he was allowed to do. It wasn't a panic, more of a subdued respect for all that he didn't know. But, knowing how slow this first day had gone, he suddenly realised how long 2 years could be.

As he readjusted himself again, he felt his hand reach out for Rachel beside him but instead, felt the cold of the wall. He wanted to talk to her, to ensure she was ok and to explain himself. But he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to yet. Just the thought of his still fiance caused a lump in the back of his throat and he had to breath through it and hold back the tears. The phones were not exactly private here and he didn't want anyone to overhear his first emotional conversation with her. He tried to fight and not think about it. But he was reminded of their final conversation together.

 _"You are my future." Even as Rachel's voice broke and they both fought to hold back the tears, she had never sounded more sure of anything in her life and Mike's heart beat with pride and affection for this incredible Women._

 _"I am not saying that I don't want to get married. I'm just saying that if for some reason I was responsible for taking away your dream-" Mike had been trying to hold himself together as he explained his actions to Rachel, hoping that she would understand._

 _"That you would never be able to live with yourself." Mike was forever glad that she understood and accepted him. By this point there was tears streaming down both their faces and Mike tasted the salty water as he reached to hold Rachel, to ensure she was looking directly at him._

 _"You go finish law school, okay? And you pass the bar." A shaky laugh escaped him then as he thought of her doing all this without him, of the pride he felt that she would finally succeed after all her hard work._

 _"And you become a lawyer. And then, in 2 years when I get out, if you still want to marry me…"_

 _"Oh, I will. Of course I will."_

And in that moment, there was nothing but honesty between them as they held each other for the last time. And Mike allowed himself to believe her as he tried to make this moment last forever, tried to memorise every aspect of it. The feel of her silky wedding dress, the sweet and seductive smell of her perfume, the natural warmth emanating from her. And just the feeling of Rachel in his arms. He was going to miss this. They shared a final kiss and reluctantly let go. Mike forced himself to continue, knowing what he had to do next. He left Rachel behind, knowing that he wouldn't be able to bring her with him. He thought he would be doing it alone but wasn't surprised when he saw that Harvey had latched onto his plan and couldn't have felt more at peace when he saw the older man waiting for him by the car.

Harvey had told him to watch his back and he was planning on doing just that, keeping his head down low and getting out as soon as possible. But first he had to sleep and for some reason, his thoughts would not leave Rachel. Christ, Mike knew he was just being paranoid, just missing her comfort. But he sure wished she was ok. Harvey would look after her, he promised.

-SUITS-

"Miss Zane's family?"

Donna and Harvey drowsily came too, the bright lights bringing them both to attention quickly. For a moment, Donna felt disorientated, wondering where the hell she was and why she was tangled up in Harvey on a couch. She turned around to see the Women with a stethoscope behind them and it came rushing back. She was instantly anxious and afraid of what news they were about to receive about Rachel.

The Woman, obviously a Doctor, was looking at them both, her expression neutral. Donna wished she could read something about her, know what that face meant. It wasn't the same Doctor they had seen in the ER. They had already filled out all the paperwork for Rachel with a nurse and so she concluded this Women must be here to inform them about the surgery. About whether Rachel was alive... Why couldn't she smile or give them some ray of hope?

Donna looked at Harvey and realised they were both holding their breath and staring dumbfoundedly at the Women. Obviously his chest felt as tight as hers. They both nodded at the Women; it was all they were capable of.

Walking towards them, she calmly said, "Rachel's operation was a success, she is out of surgery. Everything went well and she is in a recovery room upstairs if you would like to see her. We recommend you don't stay long though, she needs her rest to allow her body to heal."

Donna felt her knees give way. She had stood up in anticipation of the news. Luckily Harvey managed to break out of his trance quick enough to catch her and she saw the hint of a smile stretch across his face as they looked at each other.

"She's fine?" Harvey choked out.

"Are you sure she is fine?" Donna added weakly. She didn't realise the tears beginning to build again. But this time tears of relief.

The Doctor finally smiled at them both, obviously in mockery of their happiness.

"Her spleen ruptured in the accident, which can be very dangerous, but my colleague and I were able to repair the tear and save the organ. She also bruised her hip and damaged a rib so she'll be feeling sore. We've put her on some pain meds but it shouldn't take too long to recover. She was lucky, I've seen a lot worse. She'll need to stay for a couple of days so we can keep an eye out for complications and then she will need a lot of rest and looking after…"

The Doctor continued to speak but Harvey and Donna were looking at each other in awe. Rachel was alive. She saw the same look of happiness on his face as the day that he made partner and she honestly fell in love with him all over again.

They led each other upstairs to where they'd been directed to find Rachel. Donna risked putting her hand in Harveys. At the contact he flinched and turned towards her but gave her a watery smile and entwined their fingers together. Had he not been with her tonight, she couldn't imagine the state she would have been in. As always, he had been her emotional rock.

Once they got to the nurse's station, a tall Woman with her hair pulled back in a tight bun stopped them both. She gave them a warm smile and asked, "who are you here for?" The Women eyed them weirdly and Donna realised what a mess they must look, Harvey with his crumpled and sleep worn suit and her with mascara running down her face.

Turning towards the Women she said in a shaky but excited voice, "I'm here to see my best friend, Rachel Zane?" The Women smiled at their hand holding but looked at them both, regretfully. "Well she is recovering at the moment so we would suggest only one of you goes in."

Harvey looked at Donna expectantly, obviously thinking that she was the one who should go in. But the look Donna returned showed how petrified she was at seeing Rachel on her own and she suddenly could not let go of his hand. She looked like she was about to go into another meltdown and Harvey wasn't sure if he could handle another one without breaking down himself. So he managed to lawyer talk the lady into allowing him to stand in the doorway and promised to behave and be quiet.

She indicated with her head that they should follow her and then sped off through another maze of corridors. While they walked through the crisp white walls, the nurse was blabbering on about how brave Rachel had been and how well she was already recovering. Harvey beamed with pride, she had always been a tough fighter. Donna could feel her nerves rising as her eyes frantically searched the names on doorways they were passing, only half listening to the nurse.

The nurse indicated that Rachel's room was just up ahead and Donna tried not to react but she flinched and grabbed hold of Harvey again. The nurse gave her a smile full of sympathy. She seemed youthful but the crinkles around her eyes and mouth suggested she was older than she appeared.

"My name is Jodie. If you need anything let me know." Donna took her hand and shook it. "Thank you. I really appreciate it," she choked out.

"I'll leave you to be with your partner. Go in when you're ready but don't stay with her too long, she needs rest." She glanced at them both again, her look stern. "It looks like you two do too."

She looked at Harvey again, and he was already looking at her with concern. She had never known him so quiet, he hadn't said many words since the news and she could see the tension in his shoulders. "I'm scared." Donna admitted in a whisper.

Harvey pulled her closer to him. He looked at her with such contempt and she got lost in the depth of his eyes. "You can do this, I have faith in you." That word had become their codeword over the years, the way they gave each other strength in tough situations like these. "I'll be right behind you," Harvey motioned and Donna suddenly felt a lot stronger.

She stepped into rachel's room and Harvey stood just inside the door. The lights were low and the shades drawn, it was very quiet and somber. Rachel's eyes were closed and she was angled away from Donna. The nurse had elevated the top half of her bed and propped her up on some cushions so she was almost sitting.

Her cover was tucked under her arms and her hands rested almost unnaturally. But what surprised Donna was how ordinary she looked. There was a few scratches on her head but otherwise there wasn't much difference to the normal Rachel. An IV was the only machine attached, pumping fluids and medication through the younger lawyers right wrist. Donna took her hand, noticing that the wedding ring was missing. They must have removed it before surgery.

Rachel looked so young and peaceful in her sleep that Donna stayed quiet and still for a few minutes, not wanting to unintentionally disturb her. She noticed how warm Rachel's hand was and took comfort in it for a moment, still a little in shock from the whole ordeal.

She observed as Rachel's head twitched slightly and whispered, "Rachel, it's only me. Are you awake?" Her head moved but she didn't respond so Donna continued to wait and allow her time to come round after the surgery. She run her hand softly down Rachel's arm, careful not to hurt her. "I'm right here." Again, Donna found herself fighting back tears. It had been a tough night. "I'm not going anywhere."

She noticed more movement and Rachel suddenly inhaled a large breath as the drugs finally wore off. She cringed on the exhale and Donna hoped that Rachel wasn't in too much discomfort. When she finally opened her eyes, Donna sighed in relief and couldn't help her smile. "Rachel, darling?" She muttered softly, as if she was talking to a small animal.

For a moment, Rachel just kept blinking and staring at nothing. She seemed confused. Tenderly, Donna stroked her hair in the same motion that her Mother used to do to comfort her. Rachel looked at her but she still seemed confused. Donna felt the panic start to build as it occurred to her that maybe Rachel didn't recognise her. Nobody had mentioned a head injury but not many people had any details about the accident. Apparently the other driver had driven off.

As her midnight eyes searched Donna's face, the horrid feeling in her gut grew bigger. If Rachel didn't remember her, would she remember Mike?

Rachel opened her mouth, then closed it again, her forehead still crinkled in confusion. She swallowed a few times. "Donna? What happened?"

Relief and amusement engulfed Donna and her smile returned. Of course Rachel would remember her, she was unforgettable. "You were in a car accident." Donna stated matter of factly. She couldn't really give a lot more information. They were still yet to talk to the police.

"Is Mike okay?" Rachel looked worried for a moment. Donna swallowed hard but before she could explain the events, Rachel started crying. Donna quickly shushed her, climbing gently onto her mattress and engulfing her in a gentle cuddle. She could see the recognition in Rachel's eyes, knew that she knew that Mike was in prison.

"Hey, hey. Rachel, it's going to be ok. You have me and Harvey. I tried to contact your parents but-"

"They went away for their anniversary. I told them to go." Rachel blubbered out and took some deep breaths to calm herself down.

Donna nodded, and waited for Rachel to calm down, to breath through her tears and relax again. "Everything is going to be fine," Donna reassured her, reiterating Harvey's words from earlier. "Harvey will go to see him tomorrow and let him know what's happening. The main thing is you are OK."

But Rachel gasped. "No!"

"Rachel, what's the matter?" Donna asked her, confused by her outburst.

"I don't want him to know." Rachel was starting to cry again and Donna pulled her back into a tight hug.

"Rachel, what do you mean?"

"I don't think Mike should know. I'll be fine in a few days, if you tell him now, he will beat himself up in there. It will ruin his first few days. You know what he's like Donna, it will eat him up." Donna continued to lie there supporting Rachel.

She looked at Harvey for support. He shook his head in defeat and then nodded at her. She knew what he was thinking. Mike would never forgive him if he didn't tell him about Rachel. But he also understood what Rachel was saying. Mike wouldn't be able to cope with being stuck in there whilst Rachel was in a hospital bed. He should be out here with her, keeping her company and supporting her.

"It's okay, Rach. I understand. We won't tell him." Rachel looked at her gratefully, she groaned as she tried to move and her breathing was shallow. "I don't feel so good."

Donna looked down at her best friend in concern. She wouldn't have been able to cope with losing her today. She smoothed back the younger girls hair. "They had to operate on you because your spleen ruptured." Donna explained softly. "You should probably rest." Donna made a move to leave but Rachel her closer with a feeble strength. "Stay for a few more minutes." So Donna stayed as her best friend dozed off to sleep.

Harvey watched as Donna stayed in bed stroking and comforting Rachel. He was amazed at how she had kept her composure and held herself together. He was also in awe at how she looked after Rachel. He wouldn't have been able to do any of that. He felt his eyelids falling, desperate to get home even if only for a few hours sleep but he was content with watching her for a moment. He couldn't help but note that she would make a wonderful Mom.

Before Donna carefully crawled out of the bed, she whispered "I love you so much Rachel, I'm so glad you're ok." Her vision clouded as what nearly had happened today crashed into her. Harvey waited for her to reach him, and they walked out of the hospital together. It only took a few steps for Harvey to pull her into his side, not wanting to see her upset.

Ray had dropped them off but them off and Harvey had told him to get a cab home. So as they climbed into the car, they sat for a moment, contemplating the situation. Surprise, surprise. Harvey was thinking about Mike. Should he tell him about Rachel or wait?" Donna could see the dilemma was paining him and she put her hand on his knee. He looked at it for a few seconds but they were both too tired to worry about what it meant.

Harvey managed to drive them through the streets safely. But he didn't stop at Donna's apartment block. When they pulled into his car space, he turned to her. "Too much has happened today. I don't want anything to happen to you tonight. I can't lose you Donna." And she felt her throat go dry at the devastation on his face.

"It's ok. I'll stay." She replied.

 **A/N - Thank you so much for just reading this, but also to all those who follow, favourite or review. It makes my day. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts, feelings and suggestions.**


	6. Love will set you free

**If you're ever feeling lonely,**

 **If you're ever feeling down.**

 **You should know you're not the only one,**

 **'Cause I feel it with you now.**

 **When the world is on your shoulders,**

 **and you're falling to your knees.**

 **You know love will set you free.**

 **-Kodaline- Love will set you free.**

A/N- Just a brief apology for the delay. Have had a bit of writers block lately and the show hasn't really been all that inspirational when it comes to Darvey. Also, wasn't sure whether to post this because a part in it matches a scene almost perfectly from last week's episode when Mike had the dream but I had honestly written this before. Crazy! Anyway, mid-season finale soon and it's all starting to heat up so I wanted to get this out before tonight's episode. Let me know what you think!

Harvey barely managed to get the key in the lock he was so exhausted. Donna helped him push the door to his penthouse open and he dragged himself over to the black leather couch before collapsing. Donna fixed them both a drink and came and sat next to him. It was around 3am and they should probably both get to bed but despite the time, Donna honestly didn't believe she could sleep. It had been an insane day.

Harvey turned to her and swallowed. He took a few mouthfuls of drink and thanked her.

"You can take the bedroom if you like. I'm sure I'll sleep as well here as in there. I'll just go grab some blankets and get you something to sleep in." He gave her a watery smile and made to stand up but Donna grabbed his hand halting him.

"Can you-"

She took a deep breath. She wanted to ask this but was worried it would be awkward. How had they come to this? At one point they were best friends and they still were. But there was some degree of tension between them. Everytime they touched, Donna's mind drifted to the other time. The burning on her skin lingered long after he let go.

"Can you sleep with me tonight?" Her exhausted mind hadn't really thought that through and Harvey looked at her with a smirk. They both ended up laughing.

"I didn't mean it like that, I just meant, can we sleep in the same bed but on opposite sides and-" Donna was getting a bit tongue twisted and Harvey got up, put his finger to his lips and pulled his 'friend' into a hug. He remembered how torn up she had been earlier, knowing about Mike and then finding out about Rachel. She had looked completely devastated. Harvey had known her and Rachel were close and he imagined how he would feel had he heard the news about Mike.

"Okay." He replied sincerely.

Truthfully there was nothing he wanted more than to be in the same bed as Donna, to have her warmth and presence calm him. He had felt ever so cold since dropping Mike at that devastating place and that had only healed whilst he had been with her. He started to blush and feel uncomfortable thinking about their encounter earlier this evening. Whatever happened they always seemed to be drawn to each other. Harvey would have to control himself tonight. He was annoyed that he had broken her rule. But it wasn't just a fling. He felt something with Donna and he wanted them to try. He was just afraid. Afraid of so many things. She had been right to call him a coward earlier.

Harvey gave Donna a large soccer shirt that his brother had given him once and left her to get changed in the bathroom. In the meantime, he crawled into one side of the bed himself and made an effort to turn and face the other way and peer out towards the window, losing himself in thought once again. But as soon as that door clicked, he turned towards her. It was almost instinct.

The Chelsea shirt was a royal blue and hugged the curves of her breasts beautifully whilst highlighting her eyes and freckles. it just came over her bum but left her legs bare. Her auburn curls were pulled up into a bun, but were still long enough to drape over her shoulder. She looked simple but still beautiful and Harvey had to turn away and breath heavily. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

As she climbed into the other side of the bed, she observed him cautiously and asked if he was okay.

"Yeah, I'm good." Harvey breathed. "Was just doing some exercise before bed that's all."

Donna saw through his lie but didn't question it. Once she had climbed in bed and the covers were over them both, Harvey finally turned to look at her. There was dim light in the condo, only that which was floating through the windows but his eyes were still blazing. With Anger? Hurt? Desire? It was the only way she had ever been able to read his poker face but tonight, he was such a mixture of emotions.

They both tried to sleep but ended up making small talk for comfort. They avoided the subject of Mike and Rachel and tried to talk about plans for the firm. It worked for a while. But then Donna accidentally bought up a memory of them both and she saw Harvey's face drop as he turned away from her. He was still really struggling with this. She instinctively reached for him and touched his cheek trying to comfort him but he pulled away. She smiled at him instead and disguised her move by readjusting the cushions. They both knew what was happening, but were too exhausted to discuss it.

Harvey sighed heavily and turned over. "Maybe we should just get some sleep." He mumbled and Donna replied with an agreement. She rolled over and was awake for a while contemplating what this meant. She put it down to a response to the situation and calmed herself enough to fall into a deep sleep.

-SUITS-

Mike awoke in a hot sweat. He reached for Rachel but his hand instead made contact with a cold hard wall. He was confused for a second but it only took a moment for him to recognise his surroundings and the dread fell over him, instantly. He began breathing heavily, holding back the terror from his nightmare. His cell mate was thankfully still asleep and the block was relatively quiet.

He really didn't want any of the other prisoners to see or worse hear him in this state. He only hoped that he hadn't called out in his restless sleep that had turned into a horrifying dream. Mike took deep calming breaths, trying to relax himself and relinquish the terror inside him. His dream had seemed so real.

In his dream, he had gone to the visitors room and found Harvey waiting for him, and could see on his expression that something was wrong. Dream Harvey had told him that Rachel had passed away in the night, killed instantly in an accident with the driver fleeing. Mike's mind had then turned the scene in the dream to his memories. To that morning that he had woken up wanting to apologise to his parents to only find his Grandma in the house, and she had given him the unthinkable news that he was an orphan at just 11 years old.

The dream then switched scenes again. It was New York, late at night. He saw Rachel sat on the bench outside their apartment. It was lightly raining, but she didn't seem to care. Her eyes were red and puffy and although she wasn't crying now, he knew she had been. She was talking to him, rambling about how she missed him and wanted him back. Then she stood and he followed her slowly. He tried speaking back, tried to tell her that he was here, but she didn't seem to hear him. And then suddenly she stepped out in the road, almost absently from her body. Mike saw the truck coming, knew he had time to stop but could tell that he wasn't going to. At the last second, Mike ran out into the road, screaming at Rachel. He dived across towards her but was too late. The last scene he saw was the love of his life sprawled out on the ground, unmoving.

Mike had managed to calm himself on the outside. He thought he was acting normally now. But on the inside, he was still petrified. First his thoughts from the night before, then that dream, he just knew deep down that something was wrong. He could feel his heart being ripped slowly from his chest, almost a sense that Rachel wasn't ok. Mike realised that he was probably being overly dramatic. He contemplated that it was probably a response to the situation he had found himself in. He tried to push it to the back of his mind as he followed his cell mate to breakfast but the dread wasn't going away.

-SUITS-

Harvey awoke groggily to the sounds of his alarm, at least he thought it was his alarm. He groaned loudly and swiped at his phone to turn it off without opening his eyes. Harvey rolled over and put his arm over his eyes, trying to block the light from the window. His head was pounding and there was nothing he wanted more than to roll over and go back to sleep.

"Morning sunshine." Harvey jumped out of his skin when he opened his eyes to see Donna leaning over him, reaching out with a cup of coffee. He was used to waking alone and his sleep deprived self had forgotten the events of last night for just a moment.

She was still dressed in just his shirt and a pair of pants and there was nothing he wanted more than to pull her back in the bed and to remove what little clothing they both had on. But the memories of yesterday had returned and he knew that today was going to be another long day, that for a few months, he was going to be overwhelmed by long and hard days.

"Donna, what time is it?" he said, his morning voice deep and husky. It felt like he had only been asleep for about an hour.

Donna collapsed back down on top of the covers next to him and groaned herself.

"7:45. Jessica rung and woke me up. I told her about Rachel and said we had been up there late. She told us to come in when we were ready. Her, Louis and Gretchen are handling everything this morning."

Harvey sighed in response and they looked at each other. They looked at each other for a long time unsure of what to say. The two were only inches apart and Harvey's gaze sunk to her lips. And then Donna broke away.

"I'm going to get ready and go check on Rachel." She explained.

"Take Ray, I'm going to see Mike." He said a determined look on his face. But Donna cut him off quickly.

"Harvey! You can't tell Mike, you promised Rachel." She basically screamed at him.

"I'm not gonna tell Mike! I just need to see him, to make sure he's ok." Harvey gave her an exasperated look. The tension was rising in the room quickly.

"Harvey. Trust me. He will sense something is up immediately." Donna pointed out.

Harvey groaned and struggled to keep his voice down. Why couldn't she just let him do this. "Something is up! My best friend is in prison and the firm is being destroyed. That's what I'll tell him."

"Harvey, if you say that to him, it will just make him feel guilty. He's locked up in there unable to do anything to help the situation he caused." Harvey's face fell, he knew she was right.

"He can't find out about Rachel. It will bore a hole in his head to know she's hurt and he can't be with her." Donna said sternly. "And he'll do something stupid," she added

Harvey looked away. "I know," he sighed deeply. "I just need to see him. I feel so awful about the whole thing Donna. That's what's killing me."

Donna couldn't think of anything to say, so she released his hand that she didn't realise she was holding and instead reached towards his face to stroke his cheek. She couldn't help it. She just couldn't bare to see his normal achingly perfect face look so upset. It broke her heart. She was so lost in this that she almost didn't realise him leaning towards her.

He suddenly pulled forward, kissing her ever so lightly on the corner of her mouth, brushing her lower lip. She could feel him, his breath tickling her neck, his heat radiating into her. Donna could smell the sweet scent of his coffee alongside his natural masculine musky smell. She was too shocked to react, her thumb still brushing his cheek. That was when he lowered his lips to her jaw and started kissing her softly, gently as if he was afraid to hurt her or go too far.

She felt his arms sliding under the covers, reaching for her waist and pulling her closer and it had crossed her mind how close they were, in his bed. His breathing increased as he made a noise in his throat and trailed his lips down her neck. His hand clenched and unclenched against her skin and he stopped kissing her throat, pulling back and resting their foreheads against one another. Donna noticed his breathing was shallow, his face looked torn; this was clearly breaking her rule again.

"Donna..?" He was struggling to regain control whilst asking her for her permission to move forward. The look on his face and the lingering feeling of his lips on her skin left Donna frozen. He was giving her a chance, but all she could do was stare into his eyes quickly filling with passion and desire, his lips moving closer every moment. His gazed flicked between her eyes and lips and back again. He looked so torn and she was mesmerised by it.

Her hand was still on his cheek so she moved it over to his lips, which were now partially open, awaiting contact. They were so soft. He made a slight noise and closed his eyes, his breath quickening every second. He pressed their lips together, Donna's finger still there, like they were kissing but not actually kissing, but still going way beyond an innocent friendship. Her breath sped up in response to his and there was no way she was turning back now. He moved closer still and she could feel every part of him now and how hard he was for her.

She removed her fingers and pushed her mouth closer to his, exploring every part of it with her tongue, as he did the same to hers. Her hands found his luscious hair and she run her fingers through every strand. His hands were making their way innocently down her body. "I want to feel you," he managed to reveal as his hands entered her pants, that she knew were wet with desire.

It was at that exact moment that they both jumped and scooted as far away from each other as possible in the bed, the sound of Harvey's phone ringing waking them both up. Harvey struggled to catch his breath, looking away from Donna and reaching for his phone on the bedside table. He brought it to his ear and tried not to sound angry as he answered with his name.

"Harvey Specter," he almost growled into the phone.

"Yes, Mr Specter, it's Nurse Jodie. You met me at the hospital last night? Sorry, am I interrupting?" A sweet and innocent voice replied to him.

Harvey felt his insides start to seize up. Rachel was doing well last night, they wouldn't have called unless there was something wrong.

"No, I was just out running. Jodie. Is Rachel..?" He responded, unable to finish the thought.

At Rachel's name, Donna glanced at him immediately and he held his hand up to signal her to wait.

"Rachel's doing well, she's still out of it, resting. It's just we ran some tests this morning and there is something we need you to come in and discuss with us?"

"I'll be right there." Harvey responded, feeling numb. They had said Rachel was ok but there was still something happening.

"That's great news. Come up to the ward and ask for me. I'll wait for you in the office."

They both hung up without another word and Harvey relayed the conversation to Donna as they struggled to get changed quickly. They both reached for their coats at the same time and Harvey saw the blush and awkwardness spread across Donna's face but he didn't have time to comment as they rushed out of the door. They would have to discuss whatever 'this' was soon though. It was driving him mad.

-SUITS-

Harvey hadn't visited hospitals much in his lifetime and after this past week, he was glad! The familiar dread appeared as soon as he entered the doors. Him and Donna had fallen silent, quenched by how dismal it was. They went to enter an elevator together but got shoved out of the way by some Doctors who were racing a bed down to surgery. Harvey tried to put on a brave face but inside, he felt trapped.

He guided Donna into another elevator filled with other visitors, the same blank look glazed over their faces. Harvey glanced at Donna and, despite her best poker face, he could tell that she was a bit shaken up. He realised, looking at how much they had done in the past day, that there wasn't much harm in putting his arm around her shoulder. It made him feel so good when she responded by snuggling into his side. They made their way to the nurses station, an unrecognizable young Woman was sat behind the counter.

Harvey announced their arrival and that they were here to see Jodie and the nurse told them that she wasn't available and they'd have to wait. So they made their way down to Rachel's room. She had a private room with an en suite and it was much quieter down this end of the hospital.

Rachel was asleep when they entered so Harvey settled down into a surprisingly comfy armchair by the side of her bed, planning to catch a nap. Donna sat on the bed, brushing her fingers through the younger girl's hair. Harvey was just drifting off to sleep when Donna started murmuring soft talk to her, rambling about a number of things. He peaked one eye open and gazed at her. She was so magnificently beautiful in the sunlight. And he admired the way she knew what to do in any situation. He had no idea how best to care for Rachel. But Donna knew everything.

He listened to her words, allowing them to relax and soothe him as he settled in too wait. She was like a drug to him. Before she had come into his life he had been drowning in the loneliness and she was like coming up for a breath of air. Deep down he knew that all along, he had been in love with her. It wasn't a gradual progression. He had been head over heals since that first night. It wasn't like any other girl, she was different. If only she didn't have that rule. And he wasn't such a coward. He sighed inwardly, making no sound, but Donna still sensed that something was wrong and as she looked over, he looked up. It was crazy how in synch they were with one another.

Just as she opened her mouth to say something to him, the nurse walked in and quietly beckoned them over.

Harvey and Donna sat in the chairs in the small office room. Harvey tried to relax but his shoulders were tense and rigged as he awaited to hear what the Doctor was too say. It didn't help that the chairs were made of hard plastic. He peered over at Donna and she looked just as calm as ever with a hint of a smile on her face. But Harvey knew it was just a facade; he could feel the gentle tap of her heel on the floor beside him.

The nurse called Jodie entered the room and was followed by Dr Stevens, the young lady who operated on Rachel. Harvey shook both their hands and they sat back down, he was surprised at how lighthearted they were.

"Right, let's get right to the point. I don't want to take up too much of your time," Dr Stevens spoke first and Harvey admired her bluntness.

He didn't respond but waited patiently for the Doctor to continue as she searched for Rachel's file.

"Ah yes! Miss Zane. It was a very successful surgery, everything went perfectly. There was just one thing we hadn't expected."

Harvey felt himself go rigged, waiting for some life changing news that Rachel had some form of cancer or something. He looked at Donna in the second that the Doctor paused for breath and instinctively they grabbed each other's hand, entwining their fingers.

"Rachel might lose the baby" The Doctor turned to them both and Harvey took a second to register it. And then confusion swept through my body.

"What?" They both said at the same time.

"It was a rough surgery that put a lot of stress on the womb, we're going to monitor the situation for a few days and give you more information later on, but currently we're uncertain the baby will make it the full stretch."

Harvey was sat in the chair, his jaw dropped. What were they talking about? He turned to Donna and was surprised to see her looking speechless as well. A few seconds past before Jodie caught on to what was happening.

"Wait, you don't know?"

"Rachel's pregnant?" Donna squeaked and Harvey didn't mistake the hurt in her voice.

"Yes, she's about 3 weeks by the looks of things. We assumed you knew. We're so sorry. We wanted someone close to her to tell her and we obviously don't know who the Dad is." Harvey wasn't sure if he imagined her gaze drifting to him at that point but he still hadn't responded at all and Donna had also fallen quiet. Both of them contemplated what this meant. Harvey's first thoughts were of Mike, that's if the baby was his of course. But he knew Rachel would never cheat on him now. His associate was going to be a Dad. But then he realised what this conversation was about. The baby might not make it. Mike would be devastated.

"Ok, I hadn't realised this would cause so much thought. I'll leave you two to discuss it. Rachel will be awake soon and somebody needs to talk to her about this. If you need one of us to do it, then just let Jodie here know." And with that they both left the room, scurrying out of sight.

A moment past when Harvey and Donna were deadly silent, unsure of how best to respond. They flickered eyes with one another, waiting for the other to speak.

"You didn't know?" Harvey said quietly. He realised Donna had been hurt by this.

"No. Harvey, if you hadn't realised, a lot has been happening these past few weeks. It wouldn't surprise me if Rachel didn't know." Harvey could feel the questioning in her tone. They had to tell Rachel this. Find out the truth.

"Well, one thing is for sure. I am not keeping this from Mike anymore." Harvey wasn't going to be backed down on this one. He had already kept enough from Mike. It wasn't fair.

He prepared for Donna to lash back at him. He had said that rather boldly and hadn't realised how stern his voice had been. But just as she was about to bite his head off, his phone rang again. Knowing it was most likely Jessica, Harvey silenced it as he pulled it out of his pocket. But he just managed to glance at the screen and caught the caller ID.

Danbury Federal Prison..


	7. Your Mess Is Mine

**You're the reason that I feel so strong  
The reason that I'm hanging on  
You know you gave me all the time  
Oh, did I give enough of mine?**

 **Vance Joy - Mess Is Mine**

 **A/N - I deeply apologise for the delay. Just wanted to say thank you so much for all the support through this. It means the world when people review/fav/follow. Hopefully next chapter should be up soon and will be really Darvey orientated. They finally talk properly. Hope everyone is well and excited for the mid-season finale. How awesome was that last episode?**

PS- I'm always up for a chat about the show if anyone is interested.

-SUITS-

"Shit." Harvey tried to hide his worry.

"What?" Donna enquired.

"It's Mike." Harvey simply stated. He shot out of his chair and answered the phone as he headed out of the door, trying to ignore Donna's indignant look.

"Mike?" Harvey's voice was now full of concern as he strolled through the hospital.

"Mr Specter?" Harvey's concern only got worse when he was answered by an unfamiliar voice. What could have happened? It hadn't even been 24 hours since he'd left Mike, although it felt like much longer.

"Yes." Harvey simply stated, he needed answers now.

"You're stated as Mike Ross' attorney on his records?" the operator questioned.

"That's right. What's happened?" Harvey was trying to stay professional but all he wanted to do was scream at the man on the other end of the phone to tell him what had happened.

"Mr Ross was in an altercation this morning and has been sent to solitary. He's requested to speak to his lawyer in order to contend the judgement." Harvey's heart was in his throat. Was Mike hurt? He'd already got in a fight? How did that happen? Normally they only sent people to solitary if they had clear evidence that person had started the fight. But altercation could mean anything. Were weapons involved? It had to be serious if he had been sent to solitary.

"I'll be over as soon as possible." Harvey replied swiftly, managing to keep his voice level. He quickly reentered the room. Donna's gaze was already fixa

Lted on the door as he entered and she gave him a questioning look. He grabbed his coat.

"I need to go. I think you should be the one to speak to Rachel." He said and went to leave the room but Donna stopped him by standing in front of the door. He hated how she could move so quickly in those heels.

"Harvey, what happened?" Her voice was laced with worry. She could see in his frown that something was wrong. Harvey was eager to go but quickly explained the phone call to her.

"I mean, what the hell did he do? I knew this was a bad idea but I thought he'd last more than 24 hours." Donna could see how worked up he was getting and could hear the crack in his voice. She observed his frown line deepening and his shoulders were tense.

She quickly reached forwards and straightened his tie. He'd flung the pinstriped jacket on so quickly and it didn't look right at all, so she grabbed both sides and pulled it around him and then did the button and straightened the shirt underneath. The feeling of her hands under his shirt was warm and she could feel the tension in his abs as he was still fretting in front of her.

Harvey sighed. "Donna. I have to get going." What she had done had worked though. Harvey could feel himself relax and was already thinking more rationally. There was no point stressing about it, he just needed to go see Mike.

"I know." Donna replied softly but she was still straightening him out, her hands were moving upwards, to his hair and she patted the sides down, being careful not to fluff up at the parting. She reached his trouser legs and Harvey could feel his want and need. They'd been interrupted too soon this morning and he needed to complete the task at some point. Her hands carefully avoided his most sensitive area and he relaxed again as she pulled at the hems of his trousers.

Finally she straightened herself out and looked into his eyes, they were only centimetres apart. Harvey could smell her perfume, alongside the sweetness of the coffee in her breath.

"Now you're ready." She said and there was a moment of silence as they looked at each other, Harvey wondering how quickly he needed to be.

"Thank you." He managed to say and she mock gasped in surprise. He laughed quietly but didn't take his eyes off of her. She could see that he had calmed down but knew he wasn't quite ready yet. So she leaned in, putting one arm around his shoulder and reaching the other up to behind his ear.

"Everything is going to be fine." She almost whispered and Harvey responded instantly by putting his own hand behind her head and gently pulling her forward. There lips met briefly in a tender and sweet kiss, only for a few seconds. As he broke away, Harvey was already sliding past her, out of the door.

"I know." He said simply.

Just as he was leaving, he peeked back through at her and his face lifted slightly, hinting at her favourite signature smirk.

-SUITS-

Harvey walked swiftly up to the desk and demanded to see Mike now. He didn't care about acting professional anymore. Alongside contraband checks, ID checks and the drive up here, it had been over 2 hours since Mike's call and the unknowing was driving him mad.

He was escorted to a large cafeteria type area where the odd prisoner was meeting with groups of friends or family around small metallic tables. So far, the walls had been very bland. The same plain light blue colour. But in this room, the walls had wallpaper with different child cartoons, vibrant colours and dreamy landscapes. Despite this, there were still signs everywhere, warning prisoners and visitors alike of violations. "Any attempt to introduce contraband into the prison is a FELONY", "Hands must be visible at all times." etc.

Harvey thought about Mike, whether he'd be in this room with his son/daughter. At least for a few months before he was released. Though, at this stage, Harvey wasn't positive about him getting an early release for good behaviour. He couldn't allow for this to be the first place for Mike to see his child. No, Mike would be at the birth. He'd ensure that he got him out before that. The kid was already sacrificing enough.

The juxtaposition between being in the prison and being outside was unnerving for Harvey. Outside, it was a typical New York Autumnal day with bright skies but a cold wind. Inside the prison, everything was bland and dismal but the atmosphere was hot and stuffy. Even in this visitation area, there was a musky smell that he instantly was familiar with as he had been in prisons to see clients before. It was like walking into elderly people's home. They all had that distinct smell.

Something different about this was the prisoners. Most prisons Harvey had visited had been higher security. The convicts seemed much more relaxed here. Some were smiling briefly, waving at each other. They all seemed more geeky and less muscular than other prisons he had been to before.

All prisoners were wearing the same uniform: light blue khaki button up shirts, same colour pants, short or long sleeve undershirts, a variety of shoes. There were some larger and some smaller men but most of them didn't seem too intimidating to Harvey and it made him feel a little more comfortable. None of these people could hurt Mike badly, surely?

He followed the guard through this room and out into another large room but this time, it was a normal visitation area, the walls plain again like the rest of the prison. Along the side of the corridor were small secretive booth like rooms for attorneys. Harvey was relieved to be guided over to one at the back, further out of sight. The guard opened the door and Harvey took a calming breath before stepping inside.

As he entered he saw Mike was hunched over, hiding or cradling his head in his hands. He was resting on the cold surface almost defeatedly and was obviously caught in a memory, unaware of Harvey's entrance. Harvey had expected to be coming here all guns a blazing to fight for Mike and be invincible for him but the site before him had drained him of all energy.

Instead, he approached from behind Mike and cleared his throat. Mike flinched at the sound and sat up straighter, revealing a cut on his lip and a rather bruised black eye. Harvey couldn't help his outburst.

"Mike. What the hell is going on?" He said, his voice raised. As he said this, his gaze travelled down Mike's body. He was sat awkwardly, nursing his rib area. Harvey was going to lose his shit if he wasn't careful. The whole prison was going to hear his outrage at this.

"Harvey, calm down-" Mike managed to croak.

"Calm down? How am I supposed to be calm when you look that shit?" Harvey was getting more worked up by the minute. If Mike didn't tell him what was going on, he'd make someone else tell him.

"I'm fine." Mike groaned.

"You're not. Who did this to you?"

"Harvey it doesn't matter." Why was Mike being so laid back about this? Harvey was getting pissed off with feeling this helpless. Mike was behind bars, there was nothing he could do to help him. But he couldn't deal with this guilt inside him. It was more punishing than a jail sentence.

"It does. Whoever it is, I'm gonna kick his ass." Harvey rose from his seat, he could feel the anger flowing rapidly through his veins. But he was stopped from rushing out of the room by Mike.

"It was my fault. I was set up." Harvey instantly cooled down. Mike sounded so defeated and he needed to sort it out.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on. I'm in prison." Harvey flinched at Mike's tone, the guilt still weighing him down. He'd almost forgot how annoyingly stubborn Mike could be. He just looked at Mike, unable to speak through the lump in his throat.

"It's none of your business," Mike said defeatedly.

"Well I'm making it my business. Why won't you tell me?" Harvey broke through his guilt now, the anger raging again.

"Because you'd try and handle it for me."

"Well maybe I should be handling it for you. How the hell did you manage to piss someone off on the first day?" Harvey said but was surprised when Mike started laughing. Harvey could sense the sarcasm and looked at him, seriously.

Mike stopped laughing, realising that Harvey was serious. He straightened in the hard metal chair, delaying the moment and putting Harvey's nerve endings in tatters. "I bumped into Frank Gallo this morning and he baited me with a story about Rachel."

Harvey felt his heart start to race not only at the mention of Rachel but also Frank Gallo. This was bad news. He needed to get that asshole away from Mike or at least get Mike away from him.

"Holy shit."

"Harvey, what's going on?" Mike had seen Harvey's face drop and knew the older man didn't overreact unless the situation needed him to.

"What the hell is he doing in here? I put him away for racketeering!"

"I don't know. Last time I checked that didn't land him in here." Mike was looking worked up too now. He was afraid of Gallo's power.

Harvey had fallen silent, deep in thought and Mike made a mental note that he would question him further later. Right now, he had other worries.

"Anyway, that's not why I called you in here. I needed to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Why didn't you answer my call this morning?" Harvey was taken aback by Mike's accusatory tone. This is what he was mostly afraid of. That Mike would become bitter towards him and resent him enough that they would fall out of touch. But Harvey wasn't going to let that happen.

"I had been out late the night before. Got called into the firm to sort it out." Harvey was bullshitting and Mike wasn't convinced.

"Harvey what's going on?"

"What do you mean? I thought you would have heard about the firm struggling. Partners and clients alike left us."

"I don't mean about the firm. I mean about Rachel?" Harvey swallowed. He was really hoping he wouldn't have to lie to Mike but that's what it had come down to.

"She had been upset after you left." Harvey said innocently. But he knew deep down the game was up. He was told not to tell him the truth incase he did something stupid, but Mike had already done something stupid. He deserved to know.

Mike was glaring at Harvey and under the pressure, Harvey caved. He felt awful. He tried to explain softly.

"She was in a car accident last night-"

"What? Is she okay? What happened? What kind of car accident?"

Harvey could already see Mike's face draining of colour and the panic settling in. He reached across and put one hand on the younger man's shoulder. He wished Donna was here. She would know how to handle this situation. She had always had a soft touch for Mike.

But Mike shook of his hand, his panic turning to rage now.

"Mike. listen-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mike's voice was piercing through Harvey's mind. He was pissed and Harvey needed to sort this out.

"Mike, calm down. She's fine, Donna is with her. This is why we didn't tell you. Rachel didn't want you to overreact."

"Overreact?" Mike shouted.

"No-"

"What would be a suitable way to react in this situation Harvey?" Mike was fuming now. Harvey could see her was practically shaking with rage.

"I didn't mean it like that." He felt awful and so powerless. He had told the girls this was a bad idea.

"Just get out."

"Mike." Harvey said softly.

"I don't want to see you." Mike would barely even look at him.

Harvey sat for a moment, trying to think of another way. He sighed, dejectedly. "I'm sorry."


	8. Fake it

**Oh my lover, my lover, my love.  
We can never go back.  
We can only do our best to recreate.  
Don't turn over, turn over the page,  
we should rip it straight out.  
Then let's try our very best to fake it.**

 **-Bastille - Fake it.**

 **A/N- Wanted to say thanks so much for all the support through this. And also, I wouldn't be able to post this chapter without giving a note to that midseason finale. How incredible was that? I had zero expectations and came out of it in an emotional wreck. I'm torn between being majorly upset because Jessica was one of my all time favourite characters and I feel so broken up over her leaving, but am also crazily excited that Darvey began 'formulating'. Can't wait to see where they go with this. As always, any feedback is welcome!**

Donna approached Rachel's room with caution. She could see from here that the younger girl was awake and being tended to by a nurse. She stepped back and observed for a moment, allowing the nurse to do her job first. Rachel looked good. The first thing Donna noticed was the slight gleam to her cheeks and how she had her normal tanned colour back. She was chatting to the nurse and smiling as the nurse cleaned her up and checked her vitals. In fact, she looked pretty normal to Donna with only one machine, a cannula, connected to her wrist.

As Donna waited for the right moment, she suddenly felt nervous herself. It was weird but she felt like something was missing. She would have felt 100 times better about this is Harvey was with her. He always made her feel stronger. How was she supposed to tell Rachel in one sitting that she was pregnant but then that she would probably lose the child? She hoped Harvey was having a better time with Mike.

The nurse left Rachel and exited through the door that Donna was stood glancing through. She gave Donna a polite and warming smile before scurrying off to the next room. Rachel hadn't seen her and was laid back in the bed, glancing out of the large, light window in her room. Donna briefly thought about running. If she left now, no one would know she had been here and she could avoid telling Rachel for a while until someone was with her. But, she ignored those thoughts, knowing that Harvey was right and she had to do this. She walked into the room and Rachel was warned of her approach due to the clip clop of her heels. She turned and beamed at Donna.

"Donna!" She exclaimed, a newfound energy to her voice that despite everything, Donna was so pleased to hear. She smiled at her friend and they embraced each other in a warm hug.

"Rachel! It's so good to see you looking well again. I was so worried." Donna pulled her friend into another warm embrace and climbed up beside her on the bed, like she always did.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, softly.

"Better. Still in some pain when the drugs wear off but most of the time, I feel normal, if a little tired." They both smiled at each other again and Donna thought about how much she loved their easygoing friendship. Rachel had always been there to talk to and despite a few arguments they'd always managed to come to some agreement. But the redhead was struggling to talk to her about this. They spoke easily for a few more minutes, general chit chat about the firm and family and Rachel's surgery.

Then Rachel looked at Donna and placed her hands in hers. Donna looked up at her, biting her lip, knowing that this is the moment.

"What is it? Has something happened to Mike?" Rachel asked and Donna could sense the nerves in her voice. She brushed Rachel's hair back, needing something to comfort her and distract her. She had no idea how to do this, or how to approach the subject and so decided to just say it.

"Rachel. They ran some tests this morning and called me in to talk to you. One of the test revealed that you were pregnant." Donna tried to say more, but nothing else would come out. She gauged Rachel's reaction, she looked blank for a few seconds whilst she processed what had been said but then she started smiling and then beaming like a rising sun.

"I know." She whispered quietly, her voice laced with a withdrawn excitement.

"You know?" Donna asked, not being able to hide her surprise.

"Well, I've been feeling strange for a few weeks now. Just feeling more tired than I should be and having eating habits where I'd be really hungry one day and not at all the next. And then my period was late and I put it down to stress, what with everything happening with Mike. But a week later and I just knew." She smiled again and Donna was genuinely happy at the passion and happiness in her voice. She had always loved how emotional and heartfelt Rachel was.

"Well, thats brilliant, isn't it?" She asked and Donna could already see her hands going to her abdomen, her protective instincts already kicking in. Donna managed a watery smile and pulled her friend into her side, she stroked the side of her face.

"It's wonderful news Rach, and I couldn't be happier for you and Mike. But, the reason they called us in is because they weren't sure how the surgery had affected the womb. They want to wait until the baby is a little bigger and do a scan."

She looked down and Rachel had her lips pursed, no longer smiling but not reacting in the way Donna had expected.

"I might lose the baby?" She asked quietly and the only way Donna could respond was with a slight nod. They looked at each other for a long time, Rachel silent as she processed what was happening and Donna awaiting and preparing herself for the next reaction.

"How certain are they about this?" Rachel asked, her previously excited expression replaced with a more serious and withdrawn one. Donna wished she could have that excitement back and be chitchatting with her friend again. Nothing ever seemed to be positive these days.

"They haven't really said." Donna was surprised by how earnestly Rachel was taking this. She hadn't expected her to be asking rational questions and hadn't been prepared for that question herself. "I think they just want you to be prepared and to run some more tests." Donna said softly and to her surprise, Rachel smiled back at her.

"Ok." She said simply, and Donna again found herself astounded at her strength. Rachel had matured so much over the past few months. There was a time not so long ago that she would probably break down at this news which in Donna's mind was an acceptable reaction. Especially after everything else that had happened.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Donna asked, reservedly.

"I'm just going to see what they say. Who knows what is going to happen? The Doctor's have no real evidence." Rachel paused and Donna smiled at her. "But I can feel my little baby inside of me. She is going to be perfect." And with that, Donna breathed a sigh of relief and reached up to wipe the one tear that had formed in Rachel's duct.

"In that case, congratulations are in order." Her and Rachel laughed and hugged again before Rachel's lunch arrived and they sat chatting about how bad hospital food is. Donna still had her reservations, a bad feeling that arose from the fact that everything good turned bad lately. But, she kept them to herself, understanding that Rachel needed her support right now.

After lunch, she tried to call Harvey but it instead went to voicemail. She hung up and texted instead:

"What's going on with Mike? I'm still with Rachel but am going to go to her apartment and pick up some clothes for her. Meet me back at the hospital? D. x"

She contemplated the kiss. She usually put either a kiss or a smiley face to keep the text positive but had been really worried about where this was going with Harvey lately. She still wasn't sure if he was ready and they were both in the mindset for this. Maybe they should wait until all of this with the firm blew over? Their friendship had been so strong lately and she wasn't sure if she wanted it to become awkward again, especially when they needed to be on top of their game at work.

She decided she needed to speak to him properly about this. Find out what his intentions and mindset was. They had waited for so long due to something or other being in the way and she really did want to try to make this work with Harvey one way or another. But right now, they really didn't need the distractions. They needed each other and she didn't want to risk that with how unstable their relationship could be and how easily Harvey could screw it up. But that wasn't fair, it hadn't just been Harvey who had caused them both so much heartache over the years.

She was terrified of the thought of talking to him, knowing they had already gone too far over the last few days and was way past the innocent friendship they had both agreed on. Being apart from him was so difficult. She was already starting to feel that familiar sense of loss that came from his absence after just a few days of them being 'together'. It was almost like one of her limbs were missing; something just didn't feel right. But, she had managed for years now keeping their relationship purely professional apart from the few hiccups. Surely they could keep it simple for a while longer?

-SUITS-

Harvey returned to the firm after his drive from Danbury, knowing that he needed to go back there anyway and sort out what was happening. But it was mostly because he wanted to distract himself from his thoughts. Despite this facade he often put up, pretending that he didn't care, he thought Mike would know by now that he really did. It worried him how much Mike had managed to hurt him and hoped that the younger man would come around. He needed for them both to be friends if he was ever going to get through this jail sentence.

He buried himself in paper work for a good couple of hours and it felt good to be back working again. This place had been his life for so long now and it meant almost as much to him as he knew it did to Jessica. It hurt his heart to see it looking so deserted.

By the end of the day, he had spoken to all of his clients and had reassured them of what was happening. He had bluffed through a few of the phone calls, threatening them to leave, assessing what would be the best way to handle each individual person. 'Don't play the odds, play the man', right? Only time would tell which would stay, and which would go, but for now he had done all he could and it was getting late. He had seen Louis leave not all that long ago and Jessica just before him so decided to head back to his condo.

When he strolled into his place, he was unsurprised to see Donna chilling on his couch, a glass of scotch already waiting for him. His thoughts had been wavering between her, Rachel, Mike and the state of the firm all day and he had wondered how he had managed to get in this mess, and how the hell he was going to get out of it.

"I would ask how you got in, but I know it's pretty pointless anyway." He smirked at her and she returned it, but he could see the thoughts running through her head the same as him.

"Should we go out to the balcony? I'm in need of some air." He gestured and she got up to follow him.

"Did it not go well with Mike?" Donna questioned, being able to read him perfectly.

"He already knew about Rachel and then shot me down when I lied to him." Harvey managed to say, "he then said that he didn't want to see me." Donna could hear the pain in his voice and she reached to stroke his back.

"Oh, Harvey, I'm sorry." She gave him a look of sympathy. "You know what Mike's like, he's stubborn but he'll break in a few days."

Harvey sighed, he wasn't sure whether to tell Donna this. But he knew that she would find out some other way if he didn't. "That's not what I'm worried about." Donna could see the concern in his eyes so gave him the space to continue.

"Do you remember that case I had back at the DA's office? Frank Gallo? I had a really nasty prosecutor but finally got some evidence that would put him away for conspiracy to commit murder?"

"Oh, I remember. The police left the tapes out of evidence, costing you everything?" Donna sounded vaguely confused. Harvey was surprised she even remembered but it was a big case that they had all had some trouble with.

"Yeah. Cameron told me I'd better get him put away, so I pulled every string I could to put him away for racketeering. I think he got 15 years+ in the end."

"Harvey, why are we talking about him?" Donna had used her mind to figure out the story but she was too scared to actually say what she feared was true. Afterall, she was Donna and it didn't take a genius to work out why there was an increasingly worried frown on Harvey's forehead but a blazing of anger in his eyes. Harvey sighed again, feeling as if this devastation that kept harrowing their lives would ever end.

"He's in there with Mike and they got into a fight this morning." Harvey swallowed his frustration. Donna could see the stress building within him, he was starting to tense and had to wipe his forehead. She wished there was something she could do to comfort him. He looked at her in contempt.

"But Harvey, that doesn't make any sense. You put him away for racketeering. He should be in a max. security?" She questioned.

"I know." Harvey's eyes looked heavy and his voice was deep with exhaustion so she approached the next question more softly.

"What are you going to do about it?"

He sighed again, leaning over, his elbows on his knees, clutching the glass in his hand tighter. She pulled her chair closer to his and put her hand on top of his. He looked straight into her eyes, "I don't know."

They sat in silence for a few moments, both wishing there wasn't so much hanging over their heads. Neither of them were very relaxed but both enjoyed a moment of quiet sincerity. The soft buzz of the traffic below was the only thing keeping them awake. It had been a long night the previous evening and Harvey knew he should get to bed. But he was enjoying this moment with her too much.

Donna wasn't sure how long they had been sat there. She had been waiting for Harvey to say something first, for them to have an actual discussion about what was happening between them. But he was just staring thoughtfully out towards the other skyscrapers, barely acknowledging her. It was getting late and she decided it was best to get back.

"I should go," she barely spoke as she slowly raised herself out of the deckchair and turned to Harvey. He waited a brief moment and then turned to look at her, a stricken and unreadable look still masking his face.

"Why?" He said it so simply and she responded by staring at him dumbfoundedly. Were they really going to go through all of this again? This is what had led to her leaving him before. But just before she screamed and shouted at him, he graced her with that Specter smile that lit up his face and she responded with a smirk of her own. She would get him back for that tomorrow. Tonight she was too tired.

But just as Donna turned to reenter his condo, he stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Do you know what Mike once told me?"

She looked at him confused once again but smiled inside at the many fond memories of Mike.

"That you're a dick?" She managed to dig at him and he looked at her in disgust.

"I lost count of how many times he said that," Harvey reminisced and they both forced a giggle but Donna was still cautiously wondering where he was going with this. She was stood right beside Harvey but he was still holding her hand from where he had gently stopped her from leaving.

"It was a while ago now, just before he left to become an investment banker. When Rachel was deciding whether to go to Columbia or Stansted?"

Donna just nodded in response. She had never seen Harvey so open like this. He looked worried and vulnerable.

"Well, he'd come to me one morning and asked me for advice on relationships." Donna couldn't help her laughter at that.

"He asked you for advice?" She giggled.

"Yeah." Harvey was just as shocked. "He asked me how I managed to stay so unattached. I gave him the morning off to think about things."

"I think he needed the morning off if he was asking you for relationship advice," Donna smiled. They both fell into silence again. "Where are you going with this, Harvey?" She enquired, sinking into the chair next to him again.

"Later that day, he came into my office and got really annoyed about something. We had a lot going on at the time with Ava and Stephen-" He regretted saying his name as soon as he saw Donna flinch and placed his hand on hers in comfort.

"Sorry," he apologised but she waved for him to continue. Harvey took a deep breath, not daring to look at her now. Feeling almost out of worldly. But he pushed himself to continue. He'd been trying to find the words to talk to her all night. Hell, he'd been trying to find the right words for 12 years.

"So he said to me: "What are we doing here, Harvey? We spend every minute of our lives fighting over meaningless shit for clients that we don't even know."

Harvey paused briefly, he was still talking in his same normal, if shaky and exhausted voice, but he'd never felt so comfortable. He felt the relief at the thought of finally releasing all of his feelings but also the dread of not knowing how she was going to react. Donna was gripping his hand now and he turned to look at her.

"And then when some real connection comes along, just some little piece of happiness…"

He realised that it was at that point that Mike had trailed off and stuttered to continue but Donna was smiling at him and there was no tension between us.

"Look, what I'm saying is-" Harvey swivelled his hips to be directly next to her. This was his moment. "We've been sidestepping this connection between us for so long because something or other bigger was going on. Or we were too scared, or I don't even know."

"Harvey-" She interrupted him but he wasn't finished.

"What I'm saying is.. That I'm ready and I'm here. If you'll have me?" She could see how tense and worried he was at her reaction so she took a moment to compose her words. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him.

"Harvey," she started softly. "Our history is a mess of twisted emotions, jealousies and complications-"

"Donna. I've lost everyone over the past few weeks. Please don't say that I've just lost you?" The hurt and remorse was so strong in his words it broke her heart. She placed her finger on his lips to halt him.

"Let me finish," she said authoritatively and quickly removed her fingers from that area, seeing the playful gleam in his eyes. Only Harvey could go from that serious to joking so quickly.

"We've both tormented and hurt each other and for that, I will forever be sorry-"

"I'm sorry too," he quickly chipped in but she gave him the look and he quickly shut up, doing the childish motion of 'zipping' his lips.

"We've both made mistakes. So many mistakes." She paused for a moment and they both smiled at each other with regret prominent.

"So, what I'm proposing (she laughed at his smirk) is that we just slow down?"

"What do you mean?" Harvey looked at her with confusion. "Has 12 years not been slow enough?"

She smiled at him, feeling like such a teenager. "What I meant is, that when we've tried, we've always just jumped right into bed-" She had to playfully smack his smirk away this time. He feigned the pain, rubbing his cheek as if it was sore.

"How about we just… date… and see how it goes?"


	9. This ain't a Love Song

**"** **Every night I remember that evening,**

 **the way you looked when you said you were leaving,**

 **the way you cried as you turned to walk away."**

 **/**

 **"** **Give me an evening, or give me a night.**

 **I'll show you the time, of your life.**

 **I'll walk you home safe, from the dark.**

 **I'll give you my jacket, I'll give you my heart."**

 **Scouting For Girls - This Ain't A Love Song / Heartbeat**

For the following week, Harvey and Donna barely had time to speak, or the energy, they were so busy. They both took it in turns visiting Rachel in the hospital but other than that, they managed to speak to and reassure every single client on Harvey's books. Harvey settled the class action lawsuit the firm was being held to for a tenth of what it was worth, using partner buy-ins and the threat of bankruptcy. It was a trick that Louis had actually come up with. He then took some of Jessica's workload as she was dealing with threats from both Bradson and Gould and Zane's company, who was working alongside the former employee of Pearson, Specter, Litt, Jack Soloff.

It was 5pm on the Friday evening and Harvey stifled a yawn. He'd been working fluidly from 7am till at least 10pm every night this week and hadn't been able to sleep well with so much going on. Despite this, the week had gone relatively quickly. He still hadn't spoken to Mike, under the stubborn nature that Mike should call him first. But, secretly, he'd spoken to an old friend who was an attorney at the prison and had a whole team of people keeping an eye on the kid. It worried him, knowing the extent of damage that Gallo could do, even inside a prison.

He stretched in the chair at his desk, having been working on paperwork for 2 hours now and feeling the strain in his back and shoulder muscles. Shaking himself free of the thoughts, he stood and walked to the door of his office.

"Donna, cancel my 6pm with Macintosh and arrange for Ray to pick you up and take you home." He said, a smirk gracing his cheekbones. Donna turned to look at him and he could see the tiredness in her eyes. She'd been here working earlier than him every morning and hadn't complained once. Anyone else wouldn't be able to see the slight droop in her eyes, or the way her neck was slightly crooked from leaning over the desk for so long. But, she was still flawless to him.

"But, Harvey, Macintosh is the only client we haven't spoken to yet." She questioned and he admired her concern.

"Yes, and he's only worth around a million to the firm." He said, feeling the gruffness of his voice, probably caused by extreme lack of sleep and overuse. Donna still looked at him questioningly, her eyebrow slightly arched. In response, he reached forward for her hand, pulling her up. She was now less than half a metre in front of him and slightly taller than him in those ridiculous heels.

"You're worth more to me," he smiled, her smile. The one he'd always subconsciously reserved, even with the many 'conquests' he'd had over the years.

They hadn't spoken about what had happened the other day, both silently acknowledging that they would make time for it once everything had settled down at the firm. It wasn't like before anymore. They weren't trying to avoid the subject, in fact Harvey wished everyday an opportunity would come up to arrange something. Until today when he took matters into his own hands.

"Harvey," she replied, a look of suspicion now gracing her face which Harvey silently laughed at. "It's only 5pm, I'm fine, I can carry on."

"Yeah, but then you would be too tired to go out with me tonight."

She looked up incredulously, and he could sense her excitement. But it was still stumbled by her protesting stance, her hands now cradling her hips in the exact position that he wanted to place his own. But he reminded himself that they were taking it slowly.

So Harvey gently moved her to the side and reached for the phone, speaking to Ray himself. Her look of astonishment made him laugh out loud this time.

"I thought you didn't know how to dial out?" She said, a hint of sarcasm, referring to the words he's said to her when he had attempted to get her to come and testify at the dreaded mock trial.

He didn't grace her with the many sarcastic comments that were filling his mind and instead bent down to pick up her handbag, placing her makeup and a few belongings from the top drawer inside, and taking her hand again, he pushed the handbag onto her shoulder. Graciously, he pulled her towards him, and almost in a dancers motion, twisted her so that she was facing away. He then gave her a playful shove towards the elevators and told her to go.

As she finally started walking towards the elevators, he forced himself not to focus on the gentle sway of her hips, and called out, "I'll pick you up in 2 hours."

-SUITS-

Donna headed home almost shell-shocked. This wasn't something she expected to happen this evening. In fact, she had been looking forward to heading home after work, having a glass of wine and trying a relaxing weekend, hoping no drama would go down. However, now she was rushing through showering, debating whether to shave and overthinking what to wear.

It was stupid really. She'd known Harvey for so long now and he had seen her in the worst of states and the best. But, they were starting afresh now and she really wanted this to work out. Should she curl her hair? Straighten it? Wear neutral make-up? Honestly, it was the lack of time that made the decisions for her in the end.

It wasn't long before she heard the gentle rhythm on her door, 3 knocks, equal length apart and even if she hadn't been expecting it, Donna would have known exactly who it belonged to. She took a deep calming breath, chastising herself for feeling nervous, before opening the door to let him in.

Harvey looked just as perfect as usual and it was a welcome sight to see him not in a suit. He looked much more relaxed with his hair, recently washed, brushed back and a warm but smart blue cardigan jumper covering his casual shirt and dark slacks. He smiled his big Cheshire cat smile at Donna as he produced a small but extravagant bunch of her favourite lily flowers. She smiled back and pulled him into a hug as she took the gift from his hands.

Following the hug, Harvey pulled back and straightened, seemingly unsure of what to do with his hands. He placed them casually in his pockets and looked Donna up and down.

He seemed to be a bit lost for words as he replied simply, "you look beautiful."

Donna smiled brighter, flicking her hair behind her neck. She had chosen a slightly longer than usual, plain black, slimline dress and kept it simple with some silver diamante jewellery to brighten it up a little. He examined her necklace casually and looked questionably at her. She acknowledged the silent questioning easily.

"I told you before, you're very generous on Secretary's Day."

And her favourite playful smirk graced his face, making him look just as young as he did 12 years prior, that mischievous glint in his eyes reminding Donna of a kid about to cause trouble.

Whilst she cleared up some things in the lounge, she sensed Harvey pacing gently around her apartment, his eyes falling for just a second on the dining table. It then occurred to her that the last time he had been here was that fateful night before Mike had taken the plea deal. The night that she had managed to convince to Harvey to not do what Rachel had pleaded unsuccessfully with Mike not to do. He had wanted to turn himself in and she remembered the unbelievable pressure she had felt when trying to convince him not to. Knowing the consequences if she failed.

She approached him quietly from behind, seeing the same memories flashing through his mind by the expression he wore in the reflection on her window. She reached her arm gently over to the opposing shoulder and whispered gently in his ear.

"You ready to go?"

He turned with a slightly watering smile and led them both out the door.

-SUITS-

Ray was waiting for them outside her apartment and it was only a short ride towards the city to where Harvey had chosen for dinner. He was acting very gentlemanly, opening the door for her into the car and also helping her to step out.

She knew the restaurant that he had chosen. It wasn't far from the office but was much more relaxed and quiet than the majority of establishments around here. When she entered, a young Male waitress met them at the door who smiled brightly at Harvey shaking his hand in greeting.

"And you must be Donna," he turned to the redhead, gently taking her wrist and bending to place a gentle kiss on the top of her hand. Donna didn't know who the young man was but his warm voice, with a vague Italian accent made her feel very welcome.

She followed behind him to their table, with Harvey pulling her into a one-armed embrace and keeping her close to him without being too overbearing. They took their seats at a small table towards the back of the restaurant. It was still in the restaurant but was bordered by low walls in a booth and she was comforted by the slight edge of privacy. When they sat, Harvey ordered some wine from the waiter and Donna took the time to admire the candles in front of them. She took a deep breath, trying to gather the scent, of which she pinpointed to be wild fig.

Harvey grinned at her when the waitress left, a smile that spilt all the words he had restrained from saying over the years and Donna felt an overwhelming joy of emotions and hope that they would make it last. She swayed along gently to the soft piano music she recognised as Ludovico Einaudi, a classical piece she had dreamed of learning to play eloquently as a child.

The evening went perfectly, with much wine and glorious food. It warmed her to see Harvey so relaxed and happy, his shoulders no longer drooped with the constant tension. They made conversation easily, as they both always had been able to do and somehow managed to avoid anything to do with the firm or Rachel and Mike, wanting to escape from it all for one night.

Despite their earlier tiredness, they were both beaming with energy after leaving the restaurant, Donna feeling incredibly satisfied. It was a cloudy but unusually warm New York evening and they opted out of catching a cab. Instead, they gently strolled through the city, admiring many of the sites that they so often took for granted. Donna had always appreciated the little things in life. She remembered as a kid, being mesmerised by this beautiful city at night and being content at just observing it for hours. Harvey seemed happy with the knowledge that she was happy and every time she turned to him, he would be looking at her, a deep smile brightening his eyes.

As it started getting busy, Harvey hailed a taxi and they went back to Donna's apartment. As Donna stepped out of the cab, she felt sad at the thought that their evening was over. Although their physical contact had been restrained and the evening had been rather chaste, it was obvious that their emotions were much deeper than a first date. There had been a lot of eye-gazing and dopey smiles.

Harvey stepped out of the car behind her, thanking the driver. He was a little tipsy whether from the alcohol or happiness, Donna wasn't sure. She could also feel the vibe from the situation. It was quiet; apart from the gentle flow of traffic. Harvey took her to the door of the apartment and she turned towards him.

"Thanks for tonight Harvey, it's been lovely."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. You ok from here?" He looked up towards her apartment, both of them unsure of how to end it.

"Yes, see you Monday?" She said, out of courtesy and Harvey nodded in response before turning to walk away.

But Donna impulsively pulled his shoulder back towards her and he smiled.

"It's okay Harvey," she said.

In response, he placed his hand on her lower back and pulled her into him before placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. It was much less than she was expecting and her body groaned in its need for more, but she knew he was only catering to her requests and that this was the best way to go.

Just as he turned to go, she told him to let her know when he was home safe.

"Alright Mom," he didn't turn back but she could hear the smirk in his voice.

When Donna re-entered her apartment, tiredness hit, and she instantly changed into her comfortable pyjamas and did what she need to do in the bathroom before climbing into bed. Just as she was drifting off to sleep, her phone buzzed on the bedside table.

 _I'm home safe. Thanks for coming with me tonight. H x_


End file.
